Have you thought about your success lately?

Have you thought about your success lately?  Have you reviewed your life, scratched your head and said “Hmmmm”?  Has your definition of success changed since you were a teenager planning your future?  Maybe it’s time to look at what success really, is or can be for you.

No matter where you are in your life, just starting out, getting ready to retire, or somewhere in between, you can still dream.  And, dream you should.

Every individual has the power to become successful by their own definition.  What is your definition of success?

Don't forget to visit us online at www.LdiWorld.com to find out how to get "Your Personal Handbook for Success".

SUCCESS, IT'S EVERYTHING YOU THINK IT IS

Success in life depends on 2 things . . . What you THINK you can do and the amount of EFFORT you're willing to put forth to accomplish it. Everything you do is created twice; the first is in your thoughts. Before it can be created it MUST be dreamed. They are YOUR dreams so you might as well DREAM BIG. There is a book/movie out there titled "The Secret", you may have heard of it, or even watched it. I liked it. It's one of those inspirational, feel good, self-help pieces of work. The "Secret", according to the writer, and the "gurus" who are featured is, "The Law of Attraction". This I also believe. We do attract what we think about. But here is the REAL secret - you have to get off your butt and do something about it.

 Success is like a garden. You can plant the seed, but if that's all you do and don't water and feed the seed or nurture and protect the plants, you will end up with a garden over run with weeds, insects, varmints and other things you don't need - or want. On the other hand, if you till the soil, prepare the earth, add some fertilizer, water it, discard any unwanted weeds and maintain the garden, it will blossom into beautiful flowers, vegetables, etc. The same holds true for our thoughts and dreams, you have to plant the seed (your dream, thoughts, etc). But then here comes the LDI "Secret". Get back out there and do something about it. Get your hands dirty, feed the dream with action. Find the weeds that are choking you, the bad habits, old baggage, haters and others who are happy to see you fail, and pull them out, eradicate them and set boundaries to keep them from taking over your thoughts and dreams. Don't let them over run your garden or ruin your dreams. Next, leverage your dreams and look for opportunities to improve your success, something like adding fertilizer to help it grow. Find a coach or mentor, join a mastermind group, build a dream board, read, and associate with others who share your dreams. Finally get out there. Get dirty, take calculated risk, don’t be afraid to fail. Learn from the experience(s). Believe in yourself. If you don’t, why the heck would anyone else.

Be Extraordinary!

Anthony Tormey
Founder & President
Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE # 27 - Practice Gratitude

As we begin the month of November, we tend to tie gratitude to Thanksgiving.  However, gratitude in November must also be tied to our Veterans.  Those who have devoted themselves to ensure that you and I can enjoy the freedom that we so cherish.  The brave young men and women who have served and continue to serve today deserve our gratitude.  Not just one day a year, but every day.

The rule being shared today, written by Anthony Tormey, speaks of practicing gratitude as a means of attaining success…a way to adjust our attitude by being grateful.  There is so much negativity in the world; it is often difficult to see anything to be grateful for.  May I make a suggestion?  Start by thanking a veteran!

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.

Cindy Nonnemacher

Executive Assistant

Leader Development Institute

CindyLee@LdiWorld.com

RULE # 27 - Practice Gratitude

The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years. Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and a faster rate of recovery from surgery.

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: colorful autumn leaves, body parts that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, liberty and freedom, warm jackets, a job, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

·       Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.

·       Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.

·       Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.

·       Practice gratitude around the conference table or make it part of your office routine.

·       Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.

·       When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.

·       Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

Success Rule # 28 Create a Vision/Dream Board

The concept of creating a vision or dream board is not necessarily a new one.  However, you may not know how to go about creating one that reflects your personal vision or dream.  This rule will help you create a tool that can be a visual reminder of what you are striving for.  Recently, in Parade Magazine, Steve Harvey explains how he has used this tool to advance his career and continues to drive him to further success.  You can read the article here.

SUCCESS RULE # 28

CREATE A VISION/DREAM BOARD

If you've been following LDI's Rules and Tools for Success for any period of time you know how important it to be self-aware of the seeds you sow in your mind with what it is you think about. To help, it's important to have many different sources that continue to remind and reinforce those thoughts and hence your success. This tool for your success is to create your own Vision Board. Now, the last time you had anything to do with a collage was probably in your third grade art class, well no need to dig out the scissors, poster board and Elmer's glue, however, if you have young children in your life you might consider doing this as a project with them - a great way to help them stay focused, think about goals (clean room, good grades, new bike, etc) and their own success. This can also be an effective team-building exercise for your office or department in identifying values, vision, mission and goals. Assuming you have your goals, resolutions, vision or dreams identified, the next step is to collect pictures that reflect them. If you are using a poster board this will be pictures from magazines, newspapers, photos you've taken yourself, or printed from pictures taken from the internet (Google images is a great resource). In addition to the tried and true poster board approach, I prefer the use of technology and use PowerPoint and photo editing software (Depending on your skill with photo editing software you can really go wild). In this manner I first collect my pictures in a folder on my hard drive (you can also simply copy and paste right on to your Power Point slide if you prefer). From here I can then piece them together until complete. Once you have your collage looking the way you want, either simply print it out on an 8.5X11 sheet of paper(preferably photo paper) and frame, or, as I prefer, email(or take it on a flash drive) it to your local Staples, Office Depot or Office Max and have them put on a poster board with foam backing (less than $30, depending on size). This gives it a nice glossy, professional look on a hard backing easy to hang or lean against something without curling up. You can also save it as a background on your desktop or as a screensaver. A second approach is to create an actual slide show with a different picture and or text on each slide and specifically use it as your screen saver where it rotates through each photo. Good luck, have fun, and email me a copy when you're done, I'd love to see it. Be Extraordinary! Anthony Tormey President & CEO Leader Development Institute www.LdiWorld.com TormeyA@LdiWorld.com

Success Rule # 54 It’s Not About You

Recently we observed Memorial Day. I hope you had the opportunity to enjoy it.  Maybe you were able to get outdoors; perhaps you traveled and spent some time with friends and/or family. But I also hope you found time to attend a Memorial Day event, perhaps took some time to share memories of a passed loved one who served or maybe just a private or shared moment of silence. If time just got away from you, there is always time right now or sometime soon. When I thought about the men and women who gave their last full measure, and those who continue to serve today, those who put it all at risk for you and me, it inspired today's Rule for Success – It’s not about me.

Success Rule # 54

It’s Not About You

There are hundreds, perhaps thousands of stories of men and women who, at the moment of choice in the face of certain death or personal injury, either consciously, or due to their character, said to themselves, “It’s not about me”, or did what needed to be done.  And so it is on this day, when people who know that I am a veteran come up to me and thank me for my service, I politely say, “On this day, it’s not about me”.

That in turn got me to thinking about how important that perspective is in life and our success.  We are not all on the front lines of combat where life and limb are at risk, but we are all on the front lines of life and when you want extraordinary success, you will do well to say to yourself, “It’s not about me”.

For success at home, think to yourself, “It’s not about me”.  Is it really that important that you do all you do for your child simply because it’s easier or you are in a hurry?  Does it become a test of wills, or do you slow down and let your 6 year old make their own bed?  Do you take time and volunteer with your son’s scout troop?  Although Dorothy and I have no children, we are both very close to our nieces and nephews.  This past winter I took a trip to Florida to spend some time with my family.  One day during the trip, I took my nieces and nephews, along with my brother and his wife to Universal Studios.  The children were ages 12, 5, 6 and a 1 year old infant.  We had a great time, but I have to tell you, I had to keep reminding myself, “It wasn’t about me” and what I wanted to do, or more importantly what I wanted them to do. I wanted to hit all the major rides, and  I wanted to take the kids on all the rollercoasters they were tall enough to go on.  The problem was they didn’t.  There was a time in my life when it would have been all about me.  I’d be frustrated, wouldn’t understand, be miserable, and as a result create an environment where others would be miserable – and there we’d be, spending hundreds of dollars and having no fun because Uncle Anthony wanted to make it about him.  Instead, because there was no long line to wait on, we rode the tea cup ride several times and had a blast, and I have never seen kids laugh so hard and have so much fun.  My brother, his wife and I went on several other rides, including Harry Potter and the Hulk, but we did them without the kids and worked a plan. Yup, the day was an extraordinary success.

The same holds true in our relationships.  Read any men’s/women’s magazine about reigniting the intimacy in the bedroom, and in harlequin romance style, with step by step instructions on how to please your partner, they all make it very clear, “it’s never about you”.  Of course relationships are much more than what goes on between the sheets. Why not consider the same approach in the dining room over dinner conversation, or in the car the next time you want to do 80 mph, in the rain, while passing semi’s - and it makes the other just a little nervous. Is it really that important?  As Dr. Phil has made famous with his catch phrase, “Would your rather be right or would you rather be happy?”.

It’s not any different in the board room or on the job.  The truly extraordinary leaders of the world know it’s not about them.  It’s either about a.) The mission, b.) The vision, or c.) The people.  That’s not to say they aren’t concerned about getting ahead or being successful.  They aren’t martyrs, and they don’t let people walk all over them.  They know their success doesn’t happen in a vacuum, that others are involved and they don’t need to walk on others to succeed.  Nor do they compromise the mission of the organization for personal gain.  The extraordinary leader recognizes and appreciates those who have been a part of their success.  Their success is often the results of helping others get what they want; helping others to succeed. 

Too often I have seen people who have been held back by supervisors and leaders who, being selfish didn’t want to let them go because “they were so valuable to the team”.  Bull****, they were selfish, greedy, lazy individuals, who were more interested in looking good themselves than in helping someone else succeed or be willing to help others grow.

I had an audience member share a story with me about a time when he was a frontline supervisor for a team that was responsible for washing the outside of large air force aircraft.  It was an entry level position, one where you could get your foot in the door working for the US government.  Trust me; it is a nasty, dirty, thankless job, worthy of Mike Rowe and TV’s “Dirty Jobs”.  This audience member/supervisor made it clear it wasn’t about him, or what made his life easy.  What his job was about was to promote out of his department, not the stereotypical troublemaker, but his best, hardworking employees.  As a leader he was extraordinary and continued to advance in his career as well.

If you are looking for extraordinary success in your life, don’t make it about you.

1.)   Know your mission.  No matter where you are in life or the organization, what is it you are responsible for?  A partner in a relationship?  A parent raising a child?  A front line employee, or the CEO of the organization?

2.)   Have a vision.  What is your purpose in life?  How does it align with the vision of your partner?  Your organization?

3.)   Know what’s important to the people who are important to you.  Zig Zigler once said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

4.)   Clarify your values.  If you neglect to ensure congruency of your actions with your values, you will find yourself making shortsighted decisions and choices that will negatively influence your success.

5.)   Avoid being the smartest person in the room.  Success Rule followers know when to speak up and when to act on their initiatives.  Don’t squander your opportunities by showing off.  Let your cool demeanor speak up for you.  Instead learn to inspire others.

6.)   Learn to delegate. Sure you might be able do it faster, and probably better, after all, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.  Well, it’s not about you. Help others to grow, to learn, to experience success…and failure.

7.)   Success is about relationships.  The relationships with your spouse, you children, your family, your customers, your co-workers, your boss, your god.  Extraordinary success comes when you realize - it’s not about you.  Be extraordinary!

Extraordinary Leaders Have Extraordinary Character,

With Extraordinary Character, They Are Not Afraid.!

Be Extraordinary

President & CEO

Leader Development Institute

www.LDiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE # 52 – Expect Excellence: In yourself and others

Before we get started, let’s put things into perspective. During my presentations, I sometimes ask my audiences if they are good at what they do; most individuals acknowledge that they are. Perhaps you do as well.

When asked to associate a word with the left end of a 1 to 10 point line scale (the number 1), many refer to the word poor, or unacceptable. Asked again to identify the far right of the scale (number 10), I often hear excellent or best. So when completing the association, what we typically see is, “Poor” (1), “Good” (5) and “Excellent”(10). So what does that make “Good”? Well just average, mediocre, middle of the road. So, let me ask . . . “Are you ‘good’ at what you do?”

When striving for excellence in yourself, here are several things to consider.
1.) Define excellence as a core value. Make it a part of who you are. When others think of excellence let them think of you.
2.) Be mindful. When faced with a decision or moral dilemma, ask yourself, “Is what I am about to do moving me closer to, or further away from excellence?”
3.) Know what excellence is. Make excellence your standard.
4.) Pay attention to the details. See each project, goal, even the smallest of tasks that you do, as great and noble.
5.) Don’t confuse excellence with perfection. Perfectionism can derail you from excellence in that there is actually a diminishing return in your quest to be perfect. (Click here for Excellence vs Perfection outline))
6.) Think in terms of incremental improvements versus revolutionary change. Olympic athletes measure their success in seconds and tenths of a point.
7.) Compete with yourself.
8.) Watch the movies Lincoln and Iron Lady; read Martin Luther King’s speech, “I Have a Dream” and Rudyard Kipling’s poem, “If”.

When striving to instill excellence in others.
1.) Create a culture of excellence. Start with defining excellence as an organizational/family core value. It requires changing the way others think.
2.) Practice what you preach. Exemplify excellence in your own work. Inspire others with it.
3.) Be clear with your expectations . . . without expecting perfection. Set others up for success.
4.) Use rewards to reinforce culture versus simply performance.
5.) DO NOT take care of others, instead CARE ABOUT THEM. In others words encourage them, challenge them, appreciate them, hold them accountable, but whatever you do, do not enable them. It might be easier/quicker to do it yourself – don’t. You may not want to deal with the subsequent confrontation – deal with it.
For 2014 let’s not settle for being good at what we do. Remember, we are what we are expected to be, and so it is, others too have the propensity to live up to what is expected of them. Expect mediocrity and mediocrity is what you will get. Expect excellence and excellence is what you will have.

“Be Extraordinary”! - Let it be a way of life, not just a catch phrase.

Anthony Tormey

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

www.LdiWorld.com

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SUCCESS RULE # 51 - The Principle of Authority

“When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen”.  I’m sure you've seen commercials where a doctor, dentist, athlete or a celebrity has recommended a product. This is the principle of authority at work, suggesting, if doctors, dentist or E.F. Hutton recommends it, well, it must be worth having. Knowing how to use this same principle can add to your success as well.

When people interact with others who are in a position of authority we often feel a duty or obligation to comply with their requests. It’s a very powerful influential principle and should not be taken lightly. At the same time, if used appropriately if can lead to great success.

First, don’t confuse the authority approach of, “Because I’m your supervisor, mom, dad, etc”. Of course that is the principle of authority at work as well, and by virtue of your role as parent or boss it works, although not always and here is why. The principle of authority is based primarily on perception, if others believe you to be knowledgeable, trustworthy, wise . . . and you look the part, you will most likely have the ability to influence their decision/behavior. This is why you seem to have no influence with your teenage child. They think they know everything, you know nothing, and their BFF is THE expert on relationships and fashion. The same holds true for the rest of us, it’s the dentists who recommend toothpaste, the doctors who recommend diet pills, supplements and other pharmaceuticals, and athletes who recommend fitness equipment. Job titles, uniforms, and even accessories, like the way we dress, and the cars we drive lend an air of authority and can persuade others to accept what you say.  Like it or not you are being judged. If someone doesn't know you, they will often judge you in a blink of an eye, a millisecond, based on what they initially see or hear.

Certainly you've accomplished requests made of you simply because it was your boss who asked. But what if it’s your boss you are looking to influence, or your colleague, a customer, or an entire community?  “Because I said so.”, probably isn't going to work. When I was the physical security officer for my unit in Germany (pre 9-11), I had this crazy idea that when we would deploy for military exercises, instead of loading up my security team into jeeps and trucks, I was going to procure a military helicopter and escort our convoys by air. Although my fellow lieutenants jeered me for even thinking the leadership would allow this, much less be able to get my hands on an H-53 helicopter, using my previous background as a Pararescueman, familiar with helicopter deployment operations, as well as the logistics associated with scheduling aircraft, I easily persuaded my leadership to allow it, and the flying unit I approached to support it. Why did it work? a.) I had proven myself in the position of security officer with much smaller tasks and responsibilities, b.) My leadership was aware of my Pararescue background and experiences, sometimes formally, sometimes informally through “war stories”. c.) I introduced myself to the flying unit Director of Operations as a prior Pararescueman (if you are not familiar with USAF Pararescue, I invite you to Google it and search on YouTube for further understanding and why this helped to establish my authority). And d.) I approached them all with a high degree of confidence and professionalism.

Going forward, if you are going to use the principle of authority to influence others, consider these points:

1.      Know your job better than anyone else

a.      Rule # 5 Create your own niche

b.      Rule # 6 Make it look easy

2.      Dress the part

a.      Rule # 7 Know you are being judged

b.      Rule # 13 Dress for success

3.      Be trustworthy

a.      Rule # 10 Live by a set of rules

b.      Rule # 20 Don’t gossip

4.      Convey confidence

a.      Rule # 8 Cultivate a firm handshake

b.      Rule #14 Know what you want

c.      Rule # 43 Don’t let the insecurities of others affect your dreams

5.      Take 100% responsibility for your actions (don’t blame or complain)

a.      Rule # 21 Don’t Whine

b.      Rule # 32 Never Lie

c.      Rule #38 Never stop learning

6.      Monitor your emotions

a.      Rule # 39 Practice quieting the mind

7.      If speaking to others who may not know you, attempt to have someone else edify you.

a.      Rule # 30 Maintain a successes portfolio

8.      If you are not the expert, find the person(s) who is/are to champion your cause.

Finally, if you want to learn more about the science of influence, I highly recommend an expert blogger and speaker on the subject of influence, Brian Ahearn. I especially recommend his recent series on applying the principles of influence with different personalities. You can read and subscribe to Brian’s blog Here.

Don't have the previous rules?  Click here!

Be Extraordinary!

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

www.LDiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE #50 – Raise Your Likeability

It's been said that everyone can light up a room -- some when they enter, and others when they leave. Which type of person are you? Likeable? Or not so much? 

Research has consistently proven that we are inclined to respond positively to people whom we like. That means we buy from those we like, we accept their proposals, we comply with their requests, and we refer business to them. Years ago that research focused primarily on two industries, advertising and politics. The likeability principle played heavily in the 1960 presidential debates between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon, and Kennedy’s subsequent win at the polls. However, in addition to Cialdini, behavioral scientists continue to broaden their research. Likeable people are more likely to succeed, in every area of life, than their less likeable counterparts. 

A significant part of your likeability is your communication image. How are you putting out the message of who you are for all to see and hear? Are you approachable? Do you relate to others and have empathy? Are you attentive to your appearance? Are you mindful of your emotions? Are you genuine? 

To understand this, picture a funnel. Into that funnel you insert: 

1.) Words - the language you choose

2.) Actions – body language and behavior 

3.) Voice – tone, volume, pitch, speed 

4.) Listening – Empathy, understanding, reserving judgment

What comes out of the bottom of the funnel is your message -the billboard of YOU.  Think about people in your life and past transactions. Who do you go the extra mile for? Who are you more likely to say “Yes” to?  - The people you like.

Just this week I had a media technician come in to help troubleshoot a problem I was having with my home theater system. Now mind you, success for me at that moment was defined as having a working sound system (no the mute button wasn’t on). As it turned out it seemed to be a setting on the cable box. However, this didn’t seem to solve the problem and so our technician called the local cable company tech support. Without identifying himself he immediately went into telling the rep what was wrong with their system and what were they going to do to fix it. He continued to be condescending and put the person on the defensive. You could hear her voice change and when the technician at my house now demanded to speak to the supervisor, she made it clear it was going to be a while. Her recommendation? Drive thirty minutes to the nearest service center and exchange the cable box for a new one.

Before she put us on hold, I asked for my phone and started to speak to her. I said hello using her name, introduced myself, started off with a few pleasantries and thanked her for her help and patience. I asked if she could help with some advice. Immediately, I mean immediately, I experienced a change in her attitude and willingness to help. You could hear the smile in her voice. “Of course Mr. Tormey, let’s see what we can do to resolve the problem.” A few more questions, some further clarifications and BAZINGA! “Mr. Tormey, sometimes a power surge can cause the cable box to lose sync between it and the other components of your system. Before you drive all the way to the service center, let’s try something”. Sixty seconds later – I was watching Florida State cruise to a 63 to 0 romp over Maryland. “Mr. Tormey, do you still need to speak to my supervisor?” “Yes, I would please. I want to let him know how helpful you were.” Likeability = Success, which saved me an hour long and unnecessary drive to the cable service center, AND got my home theater working again.

Raise your likeability factor and you will harness one of life’s most influential principles.

Smile, Listen, Practice empathy, Be respectful, Connect with their interest, Ask for advice, Make promises.  .  .  and keep them, Compliment and praise, Show appreciation, Align your values and beliefs, Manage your emotions, Be approachable, and yes - Appearance does matters.

Have a great week. Be Extraordinary!

Anthony Tormey

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE #47 - Seek Out Consistency In Others

To really be effective this rule takes knowing a little something about the person you are attempting to influence, either before you engage them, or through some probing questions. It can work without knowing anything about the person, but you will find yourself more effective when you do.

Often times we experience situations in which people say one thing and do another. Chances are when that happens, what you asked them to do was not consistent with their values. When we know and understand an individual’s values and pose our request in alignment with those values, there is a greater likely hood that they will do what they say.  As we see in the movie clip Despicable Me, little Agnes, having already gotten Gru to attend one ballet class, makes him pinky promise to attend another. This of course is reinforced still by the mothers sitting next to him. 

In the workplace and in the home, I find that families and organizations who openly and consistently discuss their core values experience a greater degree of success than those who don’t. Why? Because when individuals publicly express their values and then are asked to commit to something aligned with those values, they experience the intrinsic desire to be consistent.  Organized religions ask followers to publicly profess their faith. Car dealers ask “What will it take to buy this car today?” Nonprofits appeal for donations from donors that are consistent with individual and corporate core values or who already have a history of giving.

You can apply the principle of consistency with yourself as well.  If you refer to Success Rule number 1, “Success, it’s everything you think it is”. The more you reinforce your desires with your own thoughts and publicly announce those desires, the more likely you will be to follow through. 

Although there is a great deal of “selling” going on around us, in both our personal and professional lives, showing and seeking consistency can provide the results needed for our success.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE #46 - Practice Reciprocity

The late Zig Ziglar, a well-known author, sales trainer and motivational speaker, is credited with saying, “You can get anything in this world you want – as long as you are willing to help others get what they want”. Too often however our focus is either on what we want, or what we think others want from us. Furthermore, many of us attempt to keep score with a mentality akin to, “If you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” Successful people don’t keep score, they simply develop the habit of serving others - unconditionally. They support their employees, they help the boss, they do for their spouse and children, and they give their neighbors a hand when they can. They understand when you act to please others; you’ll find others will be pleased to act.

I see this principle play out each time I use a training exercise where I put individuals into a scenario with opposing needs – to persuade the person standing across from them to come onto their side of a line. I tell them they can say or do whatever they wish to get the other person to cross the line. From the onset people typically argue their agenda and enter into negotiations to get what they want. On some occasions they even resort to physical force and pull the other person to their side of the line. The result is both parties resist, physically and emotionally. However, given time, or a little bit of facilitating, someone will usually figure out the principle of reciprocity and simply cross the line and join their partner on the other side. Once on the other side of the line they simply ask the other person, “Would you help me and go to the other side of the line?” Without hesitation, the majority, having just been given a gift – they had their goal satisfied before being asked for anything – are happy to comply with the request and cross to the other side of the line.

Teamwork, and your subsequent success, can be so much more effective when you consider the principle of reciprocity. Start by lending a helping hand. Is there a coworker having a difficult time with a task or project? Share your knowledge or ideas. Reach out to others voluntarily. 

Here’s an idea, keep a stash of giveaway items from the dollar store in your desk draw. In a previous job I gave a plastic Fire Chief Helmet to a coworker because they helped me put out some fires. From that point forward the other person was always ready and willing to help when I needed him. The helmet cost? Just ninety-nine cents!

This doesn’t just apply to work success. At home give time to your spouse, your children and other family members. Pay attention, listen, throw in a little eye contact for good measure, and look for the reciprocity to roll in.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

Click below to see reciprocity explained by Sheldon in a short clip from the television sitcom, The Big Bang Theory. 

Credit goes to CBS for this clip.