SUCCESS RULE # 27 - Practice Gratitude

As we begin the month of November, we tend to tie gratitude to Thanksgiving.  However, gratitude in November must also be tied to our Veterans.  Those who have devoted themselves to ensure that you and I can enjoy the freedom that we so cherish.  The brave young men and women who have served and continue to serve today deserve our gratitude.  Not just one day a year, but every day.

The rule being shared today, written by Anthony Tormey, speaks of practicing gratitude as a means of attaining success…a way to adjust our attitude by being grateful.  There is so much negativity in the world; it is often difficult to see anything to be grateful for.  May I make a suggestion?  Start by thanking a veteran!

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.

Cindy Nonnemacher

Executive Assistant

Leader Development Institute

CindyLee@LdiWorld.com

RULE # 27 - Practice Gratitude

The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years. Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and a faster rate of recovery from surgery.

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: colorful autumn leaves, body parts that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, liberty and freedom, warm jackets, a job, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

·       Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.

·       Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.

·       Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.

·       Practice gratitude around the conference table or make it part of your office routine.

·       Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.

·       When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.

·       Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

Success Rule # 28 Create a Vision/Dream Board

The concept of creating a vision or dream board is not necessarily a new one.  However, you may not know how to go about creating one that reflects your personal vision or dream.  This rule will help you create a tool that can be a visual reminder of what you are striving for.  Recently, in Parade Magazine, Steve Harvey explains how he has used this tool to advance his career and continues to drive him to further success.  You can read the article here.

SUCCESS RULE # 28

CREATE A VISION/DREAM BOARD

If you've been following LDI's Rules and Tools for Success for any period of time you know how important it to be self-aware of the seeds you sow in your mind with what it is you think about. To help, it's important to have many different sources that continue to remind and reinforce those thoughts and hence your success. This tool for your success is to create your own Vision Board. Now, the last time you had anything to do with a collage was probably in your third grade art class, well no need to dig out the scissors, poster board and Elmer's glue, however, if you have young children in your life you might consider doing this as a project with them - a great way to help them stay focused, think about goals (clean room, good grades, new bike, etc) and their own success. This can also be an effective team-building exercise for your office or department in identifying values, vision, mission and goals. Assuming you have your goals, resolutions, vision or dreams identified, the next step is to collect pictures that reflect them. If you are using a poster board this will be pictures from magazines, newspapers, photos you've taken yourself, or printed from pictures taken from the internet (Google images is a great resource). In addition to the tried and true poster board approach, I prefer the use of technology and use PowerPoint and photo editing software (Depending on your skill with photo editing software you can really go wild). In this manner I first collect my pictures in a folder on my hard drive (you can also simply copy and paste right on to your Power Point slide if you prefer). From here I can then piece them together until complete. Once you have your collage looking the way you want, either simply print it out on an 8.5X11 sheet of paper(preferably photo paper) and frame, or, as I prefer, email(or take it on a flash drive) it to your local Staples, Office Depot or Office Max and have them put on a poster board with foam backing (less than $30, depending on size). This gives it a nice glossy, professional look on a hard backing easy to hang or lean against something without curling up. You can also save it as a background on your desktop or as a screensaver. A second approach is to create an actual slide show with a different picture and or text on each slide and specifically use it as your screen saver where it rotates through each photo. Good luck, have fun, and email me a copy when you're done, I'd love to see it. Be Extraordinary! Anthony Tormey President & CEO Leader Development Institute www.LdiWorld.com TormeyA@LdiWorld.com

Success Rule #26 - Expect Adversity

Look around you, there isn't a single person you know who hasn't faced some challenge(s) in their lifetime. It may be a bully at school or in the office. It may be someone badgering you because of your beliefs. It may be just the aches and pains of growing older. In today's economic crisis it may be unemployment, foreclosure, or the income isn't enough to cover the expenses. Whatever it is in your life, someone has got it just as bad - or worse. How do we face that something like that? How do we face that adversity in a way that can actually benefit us?

I'm sure you've heard the story of the two shoe salesmen who landed at a remote location where the locals didn't wear shoes. One saw it as a waste of time and got back on the boat and returned home. The other called back and said send all the shoes you have.

The point about this Rule for Success is - are you prepared - mentally prepared? What is your perspective of the adversities you face? How will you choose to deal with the adversity in your life? Maybe you're like me. Suddenly, bursting into your life, there it is adversity that you've never experienced before. You're wondering, what now? First of all, have the attitude that you expect adversity to come; and when it comes, you're not surprised.

One of the very first choices I make is that I accept the fact that adversity comes to everybody and it's not always a sign that there's something wrong with me or my life. Get over yourself, you're not a victim. This in itself is a huge first step. It's foundational. It sets the stage for all the subsequent choices you make.

Another attitude we need to bring to adversity table is to see it as an opportunity - embrace it. As the saying goes, when given lemons make lemonade. There are plenty of feel good stories where, during economic downturns, people who lose their jobs, file for bankruptcy, or lose their homes and come out the other side with greater financial success and /or a happier life as a result of starting a business, a new career, or getting a better job.
As I write this week’s rule, it occurs to me that extraordinary success actually requires adversity. It sounds weird, but it's true. I don't think it should surprise us that expecting and subsequently accepting adversity comes as a process, that it's not something that you turn on and turn off. But here's the thing: Self-awareness is in the process. Being self-aware is a way of getting to know adversity.  But, there's still a little more to this attitude of acceptance.

Let me suggest a third attitude that you need to bring to the table. When faced with adversity, don't expect an answer to the question, "Why me?" If you are like I am, the first thing you want answered when something goes wrong in your life is why. Why me, Lord? Isn't that true? It's the common, normal, natural think to ask. When you have an automobile accident, you ask, Why me? When the boss hands you a pink slip and says, "It's nothing personal," you say, Why me? When the bank is knocking on your door asking for the keys, you say, "Why me?" It's common. That's a normal action. Consider this; if you expect someone else to explain everything that goes wrong in your life, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Another attitude we bring to adversity is surely the attitude of courage, the courage to face adversity in a way that will lead to greater success--whether that adversity is loss, hurt, damage, or any other kind of adversity. I say courage because, generally, adversity is not seen as something that brings blessings; it's seen as something that brings pain. For success minded individuals who watch for and experience adversity for themselves, they can see the benefits. Not everyone is going to understand this, do you?

In the bible Romans 5:3-4, Apostle Paul says, "We can also rejoice when we run into problems, trials and tribulations, for we know they're good for us, that they help us to learn to endure, and endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our expectation of hope". Life brings adversity to us in such a way that it also brings character. If I could say one thing to you today, it would be this: You don't have to fear adversity. You don't have to welcome it, but you don't have to fear it as long as you bring the attitudes to adversities that are attitudes found in successful thinking. When you do that, you face adversity as an opportunity, not as something to be dreaded or feared.

My wish for you is that whatever you're facing today will not overwhelm you but will show you the gift that is given to you in adversity can be used to bring you not only great success and happiness in yourself but for you to know how to use it to help someone else.

 Here at LDI, we want to find out more about the success process associated with adversity. So our research team at Leader Development Institute (me) has decided to interview the experts on success - you. You're one of those experts. We want you to share your experiences on how you turned adversity into success.

Associated Rules and Tools: These rules and tools do not stand alone. You cannot apply them independently. You cannot just pick and choose the ones you like. Revisit these tools and see how they relate. All of the Rules For Your Success are available.  Just click here to see how to get them!

Success Rule Number 4 -Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life.
Success Rule Number 15 - Be Proactive
Success Rule Number 17 - Know Thyself
Success Tool Number 19b - Skip and Google Your Brain
Success Rule Number 21 - Don't Whine
Success Rule Number 22 - Be Cheerful


Be Extraordinary!

Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute
www.LDiWorld.com

Success Rule # 54 It’s Not About You

Recently we observed Memorial Day. I hope you had the opportunity to enjoy it.  Maybe you were able to get outdoors; perhaps you traveled and spent some time with friends and/or family. But I also hope you found time to attend a Memorial Day event, perhaps took some time to share memories of a passed loved one who served or maybe just a private or shared moment of silence. If time just got away from you, there is always time right now or sometime soon. When I thought about the men and women who gave their last full measure, and those who continue to serve today, those who put it all at risk for you and me, it inspired today's Rule for Success – It’s not about me.

Success Rule # 54

It’s Not About You

There are hundreds, perhaps thousands of stories of men and women who, at the moment of choice in the face of certain death or personal injury, either consciously, or due to their character, said to themselves, “It’s not about me”, or did what needed to be done.  And so it is on this day, when people who know that I am a veteran come up to me and thank me for my service, I politely say, “On this day, it’s not about me”.

That in turn got me to thinking about how important that perspective is in life and our success.  We are not all on the front lines of combat where life and limb are at risk, but we are all on the front lines of life and when you want extraordinary success, you will do well to say to yourself, “It’s not about me”.

For success at home, think to yourself, “It’s not about me”.  Is it really that important that you do all you do for your child simply because it’s easier or you are in a hurry?  Does it become a test of wills, or do you slow down and let your 6 year old make their own bed?  Do you take time and volunteer with your son’s scout troop?  Although Dorothy and I have no children, we are both very close to our nieces and nephews.  This past winter I took a trip to Florida to spend some time with my family.  One day during the trip, I took my nieces and nephews, along with my brother and his wife to Universal Studios.  The children were ages 12, 5, 6 and a 1 year old infant.  We had a great time, but I have to tell you, I had to keep reminding myself, “It wasn’t about me” and what I wanted to do, or more importantly what I wanted them to do. I wanted to hit all the major rides, and  I wanted to take the kids on all the rollercoasters they were tall enough to go on.  The problem was they didn’t.  There was a time in my life when it would have been all about me.  I’d be frustrated, wouldn’t understand, be miserable, and as a result create an environment where others would be miserable – and there we’d be, spending hundreds of dollars and having no fun because Uncle Anthony wanted to make it about him.  Instead, because there was no long line to wait on, we rode the tea cup ride several times and had a blast, and I have never seen kids laugh so hard and have so much fun.  My brother, his wife and I went on several other rides, including Harry Potter and the Hulk, but we did them without the kids and worked a plan. Yup, the day was an extraordinary success.

The same holds true in our relationships.  Read any men’s/women’s magazine about reigniting the intimacy in the bedroom, and in harlequin romance style, with step by step instructions on how to please your partner, they all make it very clear, “it’s never about you”.  Of course relationships are much more than what goes on between the sheets. Why not consider the same approach in the dining room over dinner conversation, or in the car the next time you want to do 80 mph, in the rain, while passing semi’s - and it makes the other just a little nervous. Is it really that important?  As Dr. Phil has made famous with his catch phrase, “Would your rather be right or would you rather be happy?”.

It’s not any different in the board room or on the job.  The truly extraordinary leaders of the world know it’s not about them.  It’s either about a.) The mission, b.) The vision, or c.) The people.  That’s not to say they aren’t concerned about getting ahead or being successful.  They aren’t martyrs, and they don’t let people walk all over them.  They know their success doesn’t happen in a vacuum, that others are involved and they don’t need to walk on others to succeed.  Nor do they compromise the mission of the organization for personal gain.  The extraordinary leader recognizes and appreciates those who have been a part of their success.  Their success is often the results of helping others get what they want; helping others to succeed. 

Too often I have seen people who have been held back by supervisors and leaders who, being selfish didn’t want to let them go because “they were so valuable to the team”.  Bull****, they were selfish, greedy, lazy individuals, who were more interested in looking good themselves than in helping someone else succeed or be willing to help others grow.

I had an audience member share a story with me about a time when he was a frontline supervisor for a team that was responsible for washing the outside of large air force aircraft.  It was an entry level position, one where you could get your foot in the door working for the US government.  Trust me; it is a nasty, dirty, thankless job, worthy of Mike Rowe and TV’s “Dirty Jobs”.  This audience member/supervisor made it clear it wasn’t about him, or what made his life easy.  What his job was about was to promote out of his department, not the stereotypical troublemaker, but his best, hardworking employees.  As a leader he was extraordinary and continued to advance in his career as well.

If you are looking for extraordinary success in your life, don’t make it about you.

1.)   Know your mission.  No matter where you are in life or the organization, what is it you are responsible for?  A partner in a relationship?  A parent raising a child?  A front line employee, or the CEO of the organization?

2.)   Have a vision.  What is your purpose in life?  How does it align with the vision of your partner?  Your organization?

3.)   Know what’s important to the people who are important to you.  Zig Zigler once said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

4.)   Clarify your values.  If you neglect to ensure congruency of your actions with your values, you will find yourself making shortsighted decisions and choices that will negatively influence your success.

5.)   Avoid being the smartest person in the room.  Success Rule followers know when to speak up and when to act on their initiatives.  Don’t squander your opportunities by showing off.  Let your cool demeanor speak up for you.  Instead learn to inspire others.

6.)   Learn to delegate. Sure you might be able do it faster, and probably better, after all, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.  Well, it’s not about you. Help others to grow, to learn, to experience success…and failure.

7.)   Success is about relationships.  The relationships with your spouse, you children, your family, your customers, your co-workers, your boss, your god.  Extraordinary success comes when you realize - it’s not about you.  Be extraordinary!

Extraordinary Leaders Have Extraordinary Character,

With Extraordinary Character, They Are Not Afraid.!

Be Extraordinary

President & CEO

Leader Development Institute

www.LDiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE # 53 – Show Favoritism

This success rule is one that will make you scratch your head at the thought of it.  But, that's OK...these rules are designed to make you think.  To access all of the Rules for Your Success and sign up for the FREE newsletter, click here.

Success Rule # 53 – Show Favoritism

Let’s face it you probably already do.  Research has shown it is human nature for us to do so.  Mothers favor an oldest son, fathers their youngest daughter, in the workplace we tend to show favor toward people we like and/or who are like us.  In the bible, Proverbs 14:35 Kings favor those who are competent and discipline those who fail them.  Heck, when I applied for a GSA government contract I was asked who my most favored clients were and that I must give the same pricing to the government.  Yet favoritism is a topic that isn't formally discussed except perhaps around the water cooler, and when it is, the information out there tends to suggest it’s a bad thing.  To be clear, it can be.  It’s a fine line.  When we recognize others at the office, some will call it favoritism.  Some will consider favoritism discrimination.  Is there a difference?  Absolutely!

So how do I define favoritism?  First we must understand that we already don’t treat everyone the same, nor should we.  You see, I’m not a supporter of communism.  High performers should be recognized.  Behavioral or performance issues must be addressed.  And a single leadership style doesn't work for everyone.  If there is a critical project that requires a lot of cooperation and coordination, and cannot afford to fail, who would you assign it to?  Someone you feel confident will succeed?  Or the individual who is obnoxious and seemingly alienates co-workers and customers alike?  Do you award a cash bonus to the employee whose productivity is below the standard?  I say favor your top performers.  Favor your go getters.  Favor those who have the mission and entire team in their best interest.  Be for warned, there are going to be those who don’t understand the rules and will complain.  That’s good, it simply suggests they want to be a part of the inner circle and are letting you know.  However…whatever you do, don’t “take care” of them.  Be careful not to just give them what they want because they complained.  In other words don’t placate them.  Instead “care about” them.  Care enough to let them know what it takes to achieve favored status; trust, integrity, reliability, be proactive, practice excellence in all they do and exercise service to the mission and the team.  Coach them.  Encourage them.  Publicly recognize their successes.

Research has shown favoritism, as I've defined it here, has been successful when relationships are reciprocal and cooperative, performance is high and interest is in the team and the mission.  As a result there is less turnover, reviews are more positive, high promotion rates, greater organizational commitment, more desired work assignments and overall – better attitudes.  Your goal then should be to strive to bring everyone into your inner circle. 

Here are some tips on how to do it successfully.

1.   Be outcome focused versus playing to your emotions.  Keep it professional, not personal.

2.   Ensure assignments, promotions, recognition, perks and pay are based strictly upon objective performance measures.

3.   Show equal opportunity for favoritism.  Treat everyone fairly, if not necessarily the same.  Articulate clearly what it takes.

4.   Be mindful of what you are doing–think back to before you were a supervisor, or in a leadership position, and evaluate whether you might feel a particular action based on your decision

5.   When showing favoritism, don’t flaunt it.

6.   Create an environment where any employee feels comfortable discussing a perceived injustice

7.   Be transparent—it contributes to a culture of trust, which can sooth ruffled feathers before hurt feelings can fester and turn a situation far more sour

8.   Manage negative preferential perceptions proactively—it’s much easier to nip the mis-perception in the bud up front, than it is to “put out the fire” once it’s raging

9.   If at all possible, avoid family relationships within the workplace.  If this isn't possible, apply the highest performance standard possible.  Remember that why you are showing favoritism in the first place.

In closing I must point out what favoritism, again as I define it, is NOT.  It is not based on your emotions or feelings (who you like, or don’t like).  It is not the, ‘”Good ‘ol boy network”.  Favoritism is not about race, color, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.  It is not about who your buddy, pal, girl friend or BFF is.  It is not about the neighborhood you grew up in, or the school you went to.  And it is definitely not nepotism.  Now – it doesn't mean these individuals can’t be favored, just be sure you are following the rules for success.  As far as the kids - love ‘em all the same.

Do you have an experience with the perception of favoritism that adds to the discussion? Post a comment on our Facebook page so we can all benefit from the lessons learned.

Be Extraordinary!  You’re my favorite!

Anthony Tormey
Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute
www.LdiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE # 52 – Expect Excellence: In yourself and others

Before we get started, let’s put things into perspective. During my presentations, I sometimes ask my audiences if they are good at what they do; most individuals acknowledge that they are. Perhaps you do as well.

When asked to associate a word with the left end of a 1 to 10 point line scale (the number 1), many refer to the word poor, or unacceptable. Asked again to identify the far right of the scale (number 10), I often hear excellent or best. So when completing the association, what we typically see is, “Poor” (1), “Good” (5) and “Excellent”(10). So what does that make “Good”? Well just average, mediocre, middle of the road. So, let me ask . . . “Are you ‘good’ at what you do?”

When striving for excellence in yourself, here are several things to consider.
1.) Define excellence as a core value. Make it a part of who you are. When others think of excellence let them think of you.
2.) Be mindful. When faced with a decision or moral dilemma, ask yourself, “Is what I am about to do moving me closer to, or further away from excellence?”
3.) Know what excellence is. Make excellence your standard.
4.) Pay attention to the details. See each project, goal, even the smallest of tasks that you do, as great and noble.
5.) Don’t confuse excellence with perfection. Perfectionism can derail you from excellence in that there is actually a diminishing return in your quest to be perfect. (Click here for Excellence vs Perfection outline))
6.) Think in terms of incremental improvements versus revolutionary change. Olympic athletes measure their success in seconds and tenths of a point.
7.) Compete with yourself.
8.) Watch the movies Lincoln and Iron Lady; read Martin Luther King’s speech, “I Have a Dream” and Rudyard Kipling’s poem, “If”.

When striving to instill excellence in others.
1.) Create a culture of excellence. Start with defining excellence as an organizational/family core value. It requires changing the way others think.
2.) Practice what you preach. Exemplify excellence in your own work. Inspire others with it.
3.) Be clear with your expectations . . . without expecting perfection. Set others up for success.
4.) Use rewards to reinforce culture versus simply performance.
5.) DO NOT take care of others, instead CARE ABOUT THEM. In others words encourage them, challenge them, appreciate them, hold them accountable, but whatever you do, do not enable them. It might be easier/quicker to do it yourself – don’t. You may not want to deal with the subsequent confrontation – deal with it.
For 2014 let’s not settle for being good at what we do. Remember, we are what we are expected to be, and so it is, others too have the propensity to live up to what is expected of them. Expect mediocrity and mediocrity is what you will get. Expect excellence and excellence is what you will have.

“Be Extraordinary”! - Let it be a way of life, not just a catch phrase.

Anthony Tormey

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

www.LdiWorld.com

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