Thursday, June 5, 2014

Success Rule # 54 It’s Not About You
















Recently we observed Memorial Day. I hope you had the opportunity to enjoy it.  Maybe you were able to get outdoors; perhaps you traveled and spent some time with friends and/or family. But I also hope you found time to attend a Memorial Day event, perhaps took some time to share memories of a passed loved one who served or maybe just a private or shared moment of silence. If time just got away from you, there is always time right now or sometime soon. When I thought about the men and women who gave their last full measure, and those who continue to serve today, those who put it all at risk for you and me, it inspired today's Rule for Success – It’s not about me.


Success Rule # 54
It’s Not About You

There are hundreds, perhaps thousands of stories of men and women who, at the moment of choice in the face of certain death or personal injury, either consciously, or due to their character, said to themselves, “It’s not about me”, or did what needed to be done.  And so it is on this day, when people who know that I am a veteran come up to me and thank me for my service, I politely say, “On this day, it’s not about me”.

That in turn got me to thinking about how important that perspective is in life and our success.  We are not all on the front lines of combat where life and limb are at risk, but we are all on the front lines of life and when you want extraordinary success, you will do well to say to yourself, “It’s not about me”.

For success at home, think to yourself, “It’s not about me”.  Is it really that important that you do all you do for your child simply because it’s easier or you are in a hurry?  Does it become a test of wills, or do you slow down and let your 6 year old make their own bed?  Do you take time and volunteer with your son’s scout troop?  Although Dorothy and I have no children, we are both very close to our nieces and nephews.  This past winter I took a trip to Florida to spend some time with my family.  One day during the trip, I took my nieces and nephews, along with my brother and his wife to Universal Studios.  The children were ages 12, 5, 6 and a 1 year old infant.  We had a great time, but I have to tell you, I had to keep reminding myself, “It wasn’t about me” and what I wanted to do, or more importantly what I wanted them to do. I wanted to hit all the major rides, and  I wanted to take the kids on all the rollercoasters they were tall enough to go on.  The problem was they didn’t.  There was a time in my life when it would have been all about me.  I’d be frustrated, wouldn’t understand, be miserable, and as a result create an environment where others would be miserable – and there we’d be, spending hundreds of dollars and having no fun because Uncle Anthony wanted to make it about him.  Instead, because there was no long line to wait on, we rode the tea cup ride several times and had a blast, and I have never seen kids laugh so hard and have so much fun.  My brother, his wife and I went on several other rides, including Harry Potter and the Hulk, but we did them without the kids and worked a plan. Yup, the day was an extraordinary success.

The same holds true in our relationships.  Read any men’s/women’s magazine about reigniting the intimacy in the bedroom, and in harlequin romance style, with step by step instructions on how to please your partner, they all make it very clear, “it’s never about you”.  Of course relationships are much more than what goes on between the sheets. Why not consider the same approach in the dining room over dinner conversation, or in the car the next time you want to do 80 mph, in the rain, while passing semi’s - and it makes the other just a little nervous. Is it really that important?  As Dr. Phil has made famous with his catch phrase, “Would your rather be right or would you rather be happy?”.

It’s not any different in the board room or on the job.  The truly extraordinary leaders of the world know it’s not about them.  It’s either about a.) The mission, b.) The vision, or c.) The people.  That’s not to say they aren’t concerned about getting ahead or being successful.  They aren’t martyrs, and they don’t let people walk all over them.  They know their success doesn’t happen in a vacuum, that others are involved and they don’t need to walk on others to succeed.  Nor do they compromise the mission of the organization for personal gain.  The extraordinary leader recognizes and appreciates those who have been a part of their success.  Their success is often the results of helping others get what they want; helping others to succeed. 
Too often I have seen people who have been held back by supervisors and leaders who, being selfish didn’t want to let them go because “they were so valuable to the team”.  Bull****, they were selfish, greedy, lazy individuals, who were more interested in looking good themselves than in helping someone else succeed or be willing to help others grow.

I had an audience member share a story with me about a time when he was a frontline supervisor for a team that was responsible for washing the outside of large air force aircraft.  It was an entry level position, one where you could get your foot in the door working for the US government.  Trust me; it is a nasty, dirty, thankless job, worthy of Mike Rowe and TV’s “Dirty Jobs”.  This audience member/supervisor made it clear it wasn’t about him, or what made his life easy.  What his job was about was to promote out of his department, not the stereotypical troublemaker, but his best, hardworking employees.  As a leader he was extraordinary and continued to advance in his career as well.

If you are looking for extraordinary success in your life, don’t make it about you.
1.)   Know your mission.  No matter where you are in life or the organization, what is it you are responsible for?  A partner in a relationship?  A parent raising a child?  A front line employee, or the CEO of the organization?
2.)   Have a vision.  What is your purpose in life?  How does it align with the vision of your partner?  Your organization?
3.)   Know what’s important to the people who are important to you.  Zig Zigler once said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
4.)   Clarify your values.  If you neglect to ensure congruency of your actions with your values, you will find yourself making shortsighted decisions and choices that will negatively influence your success.
5.)   Avoid being the smartest person in the roomSuccess Rule followers know when to speak up and when to act on their initiatives.  Don’t squander your opportunities by showing off.  Let your cool demeanor speak up for you.  Instead learn to inspire others.
6.)   Learn to delegate. Sure you might be able do it faster, and probably better, after all, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.  Well, it’s not about you. Help others to grow, to learn, to experience success…and failure.
7.)   Success is about relationships.  The relationships with your spouse, you children, your family, your customers, your co-workers, your boss, your god.  Extraordinary success comes when you realize - it’s not about you.  Be extraordinary!
Extraordinary Leaders Have Extraordinary Character,
With Extraordinary Character, They Are Not Afraid.!

Be Extraordinary





President & CEO
Leader Development Institute

www.LDiWorld.com