SUCCESS RULE #50 – Raise Your Likeability

It's been said that everyone can light up a room -- some when they enter, and others when they leave. Which type of person are you? Likeable? Or not so much? 

Research has consistently proven that we are inclined to respond positively to people whom we like. That means we buy from those we like, we accept their proposals, we comply with their requests, and we refer business to them. Years ago that research focused primarily on two industries, advertising and politics. The likeability principle played heavily in the 1960 presidential debates between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon, and Kennedy’s subsequent win at the polls. However, in addition to Cialdini, behavioral scientists continue to broaden their research. Likeable people are more likely to succeed, in every area of life, than their less likeable counterparts. 

A significant part of your likeability is your communication image. How are you putting out the message of who you are for all to see and hear? Are you approachable? Do you relate to others and have empathy? Are you attentive to your appearance? Are you mindful of your emotions? Are you genuine? 

To understand this, picture a funnel. Into that funnel you insert: 

1.) Words - the language you choose

2.) Actions – body language and behavior 

3.) Voice – tone, volume, pitch, speed 

4.) Listening – Empathy, understanding, reserving judgment

What comes out of the bottom of the funnel is your message -the billboard of YOU.  Think about people in your life and past transactions. Who do you go the extra mile for? Who are you more likely to say “Yes” to?  - The people you like.

Just this week I had a media technician come in to help troubleshoot a problem I was having with my home theater system. Now mind you, success for me at that moment was defined as having a working sound system (no the mute button wasn’t on). As it turned out it seemed to be a setting on the cable box. However, this didn’t seem to solve the problem and so our technician called the local cable company tech support. Without identifying himself he immediately went into telling the rep what was wrong with their system and what were they going to do to fix it. He continued to be condescending and put the person on the defensive. You could hear her voice change and when the technician at my house now demanded to speak to the supervisor, she made it clear it was going to be a while. Her recommendation? Drive thirty minutes to the nearest service center and exchange the cable box for a new one.

Before she put us on hold, I asked for my phone and started to speak to her. I said hello using her name, introduced myself, started off with a few pleasantries and thanked her for her help and patience. I asked if she could help with some advice. Immediately, I mean immediately, I experienced a change in her attitude and willingness to help. You could hear the smile in her voice. “Of course Mr. Tormey, let’s see what we can do to resolve the problem.” A few more questions, some further clarifications and BAZINGA! “Mr. Tormey, sometimes a power surge can cause the cable box to lose sync between it and the other components of your system. Before you drive all the way to the service center, let’s try something”. Sixty seconds later – I was watching Florida State cruise to a 63 to 0 romp over Maryland. “Mr. Tormey, do you still need to speak to my supervisor?” “Yes, I would please. I want to let him know how helpful you were.” Likeability = Success, which saved me an hour long and unnecessary drive to the cable service center, AND got my home theater working again.

Raise your likeability factor and you will harness one of life’s most influential principles.

Smile, Listen, Practice empathy, Be respectful, Connect with their interest, Ask for advice, Make promises.  .  .  and keep them, Compliment and praise, Show appreciation, Align your values and beliefs, Manage your emotions, Be approachable, and yes - Appearance does matters.

Have a great week. Be Extraordinary!

Anthony Tormey

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE #49 - Consensus

Why do you think McDonald’s started putting the number served on their Golden Arches? This principle relies on an individual’s sense of safety in numbers, uncertainty, and when others seem to be similar to us.  Safety in numbers may simply mean one other person from the office. If faced with indecision, an individual will more likely, “go with the crowd”. If the crowd is a lot like me(values, community, culture, demographic, etc) it will increase the odds further that I will be influenced in that direction. You've probably been influenced by this yourself looking for a place to eat. If the parking lot is full, well it must be good.  I voted for .  .  .  because my union, church, organization, backed them. 

You can apply this principle by creating excitement around your idea or product, or getting others to buy in early. At work or in your circle of influence, approach other influential people and seek their support (this may or may not be the formal leaders of the group). I found this particularly helpful while I was a new Captain in the Air Force and tasked with planning our organization’s annual Christmas party. Not a very enticing project for this warrior leader. The previous year only 35 attended out of a squadron of over 300 people. My success looked grim. My first approach was to seek out six key individuals, a young Airman, a mid-level NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) a Lieutenant and 2 wives (NCO and Officer). These folks were my influencers within their demographics. From our first meeting we started to create buzz around the event. Every morning we sang a Christmas Carol over the squadron PA system. We spread potpourri all over the building - air vents, desk draws, the restrooms - it smelled like Christmas before it looked like Halloween. Each of the team members invited several friends and once we met our minimum, we started every week announcing how many tickets were sold. We sold every ticket before Thanksgiving. The night of the Christmas party we had nearly 200 hundred attendees.  A similar process can be used when implementing change in the organization. 

This tool can also help you when others are trying to influence you. In these situations, keep in mind, the “herd” mentality can be used against you as well. It is often referred to as Groupthink.  This is when, when in spite of all the evidence to suggest otherwise, people still make the wrong choice simply because others are as well. We see this in peer pressure to do the wrong thing among children and adults. If you read the accident report for the Shuttle Challenger, it was clear there were individuals who knew it was not safe to launch but who went along with the group decision makers anyhow. But as a rules follower, you understand this principle; you understand how to use it ethically to influence others, and how not to be sucked into making a poor decision.

One last thing before I go…because my vision statement - my life’s purpose - is to have a positive influence on all the people I meet, I’d like to invite you to do just one of the following; on each of them I bring just a little more to the table that you will find helpful in your quest for success.

    1.) Like us on Facebook www.facebook.com/successtraining
    2.) Connect with me on LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/anthonytormey
    3.) Subscribe to our Blog http://leaderdevelopmentinstitute.blogspot.com
    4.) Follow me on Twitter  https://twitter.com/tormeya

Have a great week. Be Extraordinary!

Anthony Tormey
Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute
www.LDiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE #48 - Leverage Scarcity

Several years ago I met an extraordinary gentleman during a seminar I was presenting in Columbus, Ohio. We continue to be friends to this day. But equally as important, he has become a much respected colleague. 

Brian Ahearn is a certified trainer for the Principles of Persuasion by Dr. Robert Cialdini. The basis for the last two, the next two, and todays Rule for Success is from these principles. Each principle has been scientifically proven and researched extensively. When I asked Brian if he would write on one of the principles, he said to me, “Anthony, over the years you’ve done a lot for me, it would be my pleasure”, reciprocity in action (not to mention I’m a likable guy – another principle). 

To learn more about Brian and the Principles of Persuasion, I invite you to subscribe to Brian’s Blog, Influence People, Helping you to hear yes. Learn the science of influence and hear yes more often. (Use this URL to create the link, http://influence-people-brian.blogspot.com) When he’s not being extraordinary – he’s awesome. I’m sure you will enjoy Brian’s article. When you’re finished reading, let me know what you think on our Facebook page and I’ll email you a free PDF copy of my book, “Your Personal Handbook for Success”. 

Anthony Tormey
Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute

Success Rule #48 - Leverage Scarcity

Thomas Sowell, an economist and author said, “The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it.” 

In psychology the principle of scarcity alerts us to the reality that people generally want things more when they believe they’re rare or diminishing. It’s amazing how this changes the behavior of people. For example, I’ll bet there have been times you’ve made a conscious decision to get to a store before a sale ended. You didn’t want to lose the opportunity to possibly get a great deal. If the sale didn’t have an end date you might have waited a lot longer.

As someone looking to succeed much of your success depends on getting others to do what you want. When it comes to motivating behavior using scarcity it’s good to know this rule of thumb: people feel pain of loss more than the joy of gaining the same thing. In fact, psychological studies show people feel the pain of loss 2-2.5 times more than the joy they’d get gaining the same thing.

Here’s an example. Suppose you find a $100 bill today. You’ll feel really good. Let’s assume you stick it in your pocket, then, sometime later in the day, you tell someone about your good fortune. As you relate the story you reach for the $100 bill in your pocket to show it off only to realize it’s gone! I’ll bet the intensity of how you feel at that moment is much greater than the joy you felt earlier. At the end of the day you’re no worse off – you didn’t start with $100 in your pocket and you didn’t end with $100 – and you feel bad!

How do you ethically leverage this? Simple, next time you realize someone can gain by doing what you ask, think of a way to reframe that into loss. Let’s say an employee of yours needs to do three things to earn a sizable bonus. You could say, “Remember, if you do A, B and C, you’ll have a great shot at that bonus,” will not be as effective as saying, “Remember, if you don’t accomplish A, B and C, you won’t have any chance at earning the bonus.”

Don’t get me wrong – talking about what someone might gain is motivating, however studies conducted by social psychologists clearly show talking about what someone stands to lose will motivate more people to take action. The avoidance of pain outweighs the desire for pleasure.

As a person looking to succeed professionally and personally you want to make sure the communication you use is the most effective possible, don’t you? By not going with rigorously tested methods of communication you’ll only hurt your chance for success and you don’t want that, do you?

As Anthony would say, “When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.”

Brian