SUCCESS RULE #47 - Seek Out Consistency In Others

To really be effective this rule takes knowing a little something about the person you are attempting to influence, either before you engage them, or through some probing questions. It can work without knowing anything about the person, but you will find yourself more effective when you do.

Often times we experience situations in which people say one thing and do another. Chances are when that happens, what you asked them to do was not consistent with their values. When we know and understand an individual’s values and pose our request in alignment with those values, there is a greater likely hood that they will do what they say.  As we see in the movie clip Despicable Me, little Agnes, having already gotten Gru to attend one ballet class, makes him pinky promise to attend another. This of course is reinforced still by the mothers sitting next to him. 

In the workplace and in the home, I find that families and organizations who openly and consistently discuss their core values experience a greater degree of success than those who don’t. Why? Because when individuals publicly express their values and then are asked to commit to something aligned with those values, they experience the intrinsic desire to be consistent.  Organized religions ask followers to publicly profess their faith. Car dealers ask “What will it take to buy this car today?” Nonprofits appeal for donations from donors that are consistent with individual and corporate core values or who already have a history of giving.

You can apply the principle of consistency with yourself as well.  If you refer to Success Rule number 1, “Success, it’s everything you think it is”. The more you reinforce your desires with your own thoughts and publicly announce those desires, the more likely you will be to follow through. 

Although there is a great deal of “selling” going on around us, in both our personal and professional lives, showing and seeking consistency can provide the results needed for our success.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE #46 - Practice Reciprocity

The late Zig Ziglar, a well-known author, sales trainer and motivational speaker, is credited with saying, “You can get anything in this world you want – as long as you are willing to help others get what they want”. Too often however our focus is either on what we want, or what we think others want from us. Furthermore, many of us attempt to keep score with a mentality akin to, “If you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” Successful people don’t keep score, they simply develop the habit of serving others - unconditionally. They support their employees, they help the boss, they do for their spouse and children, and they give their neighbors a hand when they can. They understand when you act to please others; you’ll find others will be pleased to act.

I see this principle play out each time I use a training exercise where I put individuals into a scenario with opposing needs – to persuade the person standing across from them to come onto their side of a line. I tell them they can say or do whatever they wish to get the other person to cross the line. From the onset people typically argue their agenda and enter into negotiations to get what they want. On some occasions they even resort to physical force and pull the other person to their side of the line. The result is both parties resist, physically and emotionally. However, given time, or a little bit of facilitating, someone will usually figure out the principle of reciprocity and simply cross the line and join their partner on the other side. Once on the other side of the line they simply ask the other person, “Would you help me and go to the other side of the line?” Without hesitation, the majority, having just been given a gift – they had their goal satisfied before being asked for anything – are happy to comply with the request and cross to the other side of the line.

Teamwork, and your subsequent success, can be so much more effective when you consider the principle of reciprocity. Start by lending a helping hand. Is there a coworker having a difficult time with a task or project? Share your knowledge or ideas. Reach out to others voluntarily. 

Here’s an idea, keep a stash of giveaway items from the dollar store in your desk draw. In a previous job I gave a plastic Fire Chief Helmet to a coworker because they helped me put out some fires. From that point forward the other person was always ready and willing to help when I needed him. The helmet cost? Just ninety-nine cents!

This doesn’t just apply to work success. At home give time to your spouse, your children and other family members. Pay attention, listen, throw in a little eye contact for good measure, and look for the reciprocity to roll in.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

Click below to see reciprocity explained by Sheldon in a short clip from the television sitcom, The Big Bang Theory. 

Credit goes to CBS for this clip.

SUCCESS RULE #45 - Negotiate

Many see negotiating as uncomfortable at best, something to be disdained at worst. We typically associate negotiating with sales involving big ticket items like homes and cars. The truth is you probably already negotiate with your boss and/or coworkers for time off, your professor/teacher for a better grade, your children to do their chores, with your spouse as to how you’re going to spend that refund check, or perhaps with that nice police officer who just stopped you for speeding. The bottom line is, there will come a time when you are going to need to negotiate for a car, a house, a new job offer, assignment, promotion, or pay raise. You don’t want to be nervous, unsure of yourself, or learning the ropes on a $30,000 car, six figure income, or an even more costly home. Practice instead on the small items. Start easy and go to a yard sale – or have your own.

When I travel I always negotiate for a free upgrade, additional services, or to have a fee waived, maybe even a free bottle of wine/meal, satellite radio or a tank of gas. Sometimes I don’t get it, many times I do. When your phone, cable or internet contract comes due, negotiate for a better rate (hint: if the first person you speak to can’t/won’t help, ask to speak with someone from the cancellation/retention department). Every year or two, I negotiate my banking and credit card fees. Buying new furniture, mattress, etc.? Ask for a free set of sheets, or free delivery.

With this said, this rule is about negotiating, not about how cheap you can be. It’s not about saving a few dollars; it’s the ability to influence others ethically to get what you want. It’s not about manipulation, which would lack character. It’s about influence – with character.

I bet you didn't realize there are scientifically proven ways to be persuasive. That's right, there's a science to it and the good news is it's easy to learn. Stick with me over the next several newsletters because you'll learn a little of the science and as a result - have greater success for it.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

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