SUCCESS RULE #37 - Practice Quieting the Mind

Thoughts come and go; they are the language of the brain. Thoughts are the conversations we have with ourselves; they are so prevalent we often don’t even realize we’re doing it. Sometimes in fact, we do it so much our thoughts become overwhelming. Do you enjoy inner peace or are you a victim of your own turmoil? The ability to quiet the mind and seek inner peace brings many benefits that lead to success; self-control and discipline, better judgment and decision making, stronger mental powers (sorry, not the kind that can bend spoons, but a greater ability to concentrate and solve problems). The ability to quiet the mind and obtain inner peace has a calming effect on others around you, creates less worrying, and as a result reduces stress and anxiety. When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.

There are many techniques for quieting the mind; however the general principle is to start by concentrating or focusing your thoughts on a specific task or process, eventually allowing intrusive thoughts to pass through. Here are some ideas to get you started. Eventually you can use these techniques to relieve stress, fall asleep quickly, think clearly, and if done regularly, bring peace of mind. 

Step One: Learn to breath. Tune in to the rhythm of your breathing. Notice its depth, pace and timing. Become aware of the rise and fall of your chest and stomach. Does your stomach pooch out when you breathe? Is it held tightly? Can you actually see your chest rise and fall?

• Exhale all the breath from your body.
• Relax your stomach and let it pooch out.
• Inhale slowly and deeply and repeat internally, “Innnnnnnn”, for the entire inhalation of your breath. As you exhale, repeat internally, “Ooouuut”, during the entire exhalation.
• Relax your shoulders, neck and head.
• Repeat several times noticing your breath as it goes in and out. There is no need to control your breathing; just notice it and become acutely aware of it.
• As thoughts arise, just let them pass by like floating clouds and gently bring your attention back to your breath.

If you find yourself in a difficult situation or interaction, simply stop and bring full awareness to your breathing. Practice the in-out breathing exercise from above for just 10 seconds.

Step Two: Be aware of your thoughts. As you focus on your breathing, be aware of your thoughts as they arise, try to notice and assess what kind of thoughts you are having. Are they negative, positive, craving, neutral or self-degrading? Don’t judge the thoughts, just watch them as if you are examining them under a microscope and let them pass on naturally.

Step Three: Accept life. Our mind, like computers is designed to be asked questions and solve problems. Take notice the mind’s habit to see that there is a problem or problems and that there is something that needs to be fixed, ferreted out, removed, worked on, understood, etc. While you are breathing allow this thought to enter: “There is no problem right now. There is nothing that needs fixing. All is well and I accept this moment as it is and I accept myself for who I am right now.” You may experience a tremendous amount of resistance with this concept but keep working with it.

Step Four: Eliminate distractions. Find a nice quiet place to sit comfortably and give yourself a moment to disconnect from your network. Get comfortable and just sit. Don’t try to meditate, or watch your breath, just sit with your eyes closed and give yourself permission to be still, do nothing, think about nothing and want nothing to change. Your thoughts come and go, just like the clouds come in and out of view. Nothing is permanent.

Starting today, review the list below and pick at least two of the tasks to integrate into your breathing and stillness practice in quieting the mind.

• While the bathroom time is for doing things like bathing, brushing your teeth and taking a bath. While doing these mundane practices, don’t allow your mind to wander. Keep focused on the task at hand by bringing your attention to the literal action and focus internally on, the water touching your skin, the motion of the tooth brush, the act of washing your face, etc.
• While walking to and from your car, become aware of the sounds that your footsteps are making. Tune in with complete attention to those sounds every time you walk to your car.
• Go for a mindful/mindless walk in nature, a park or just around the block. Focus in on the sounds around you. Listen to the wind in the trees and the birds that are singing. Notice the sounds of traffic, lawnmowers and dogs barking. Notice your breathing and put your attention on your footsteps and how your foot falls as you walk. If you see something of interest, stop, notice it without labeling, and really take it all in.
• Notice the thoughts in your mind are noise, and in a way, they are similar to the noises that we hear around us.
• Spend some time cultivating your stillness practice by finding some quiet moments alone. Turn off all devices and tune into your breath by using your breath awareness tools.
• At night, while lying in bed, practice steps one through four. Tighten and relax one muscle set at a time starting with your toes finishing with your eyes and face. Feel yourself “sink” into the mattress. If you need to, stare at a spot just out of sight, counting backwards from 100 and until your eyes get heavy and close. Repeat.

You are not your thoughts; you are something much bigger than that.

Enjoy your weekend and be thankful for everything you have.

For 5 minutes every day, turn off and tune in to your true self.

You are awesome. Be Extraordinary!

SUCCESS RULE #36 - Learn to Let Go

Lighten up, let your hair down, have a little fun. As they say, "time flies when you're having fun".  Having a little fun on the job can help build rapport with those around you, facilitate open communication, and contribute to a positive work environment. Perhaps more importantly, a little humor can work to relieve tension on even the most stressful of days. For my Rules Followers, remember Rule Number 19b.

Keep in mind however, not all high jinx are well received. It's crucial to take into consideration your organization's culture and co-workers' perspectives when it comes to comic relief. Humor should be work appropriate and never mean spirited or at the expense of others . . . always use good judgment.

Avoid controversy. If there's even a question in your mind that your humor might offend your co-workers or spark an argument, go a different route.

Say no to sarcasm. People sometimes attempt to disguise sarcasm as humor and an indirect way of berating others. Sarcasm is rarely a good idea, so keep these types of comments to yourself.

Don't be a nuisance. There is a time and a place for everything. Know your office culture. Know the people you work with. And, don't send spam emails to people who don't want them. Don't forget, there's still a job to do.

There are of course certain days of the year that lend themselves to bringing humor to the office, April Fools, Halloween, co-worker birthdays to name a few, but no need to start or stop there. Bring humor to staff meetings with a cartoon or a joke; take turns bringing them to the table. You have a file for everything else; create a "Funny File". Have fun saying, "Thank you". Give a co-worker a Baby Ruth candy bar, for hitting, "The ball out of the park" on a recent task. One time I gave a Chief Master Sergeant, a plastic fireman's helmet that said 'Chief' for saving my butt and helping me to put out some fires in the office the week before.

Here are some April Fools' jokes that have been observed in an office environment. Use double sided tape underneath a colleague's mouse so it doesn't move. Using an old but similar looking keyboard, fill it with loose dirt, some grass seed, after watering it for a while and once the grass has grown, replace the co-workers keyboard with the one with grass. Turn everything backward in one person's office -- the computer, desk and pictures; change the keys on a keyboard; fill a colleague's office with balloons.

Other ways to keep things lighthearted around the office:

Be the butt of your own joke.  Go ahead, poke fun at yourself. Doing so can put others at ease in your presence, and you don't risk offending someone else by making him or her the target of your joke.

 Learn to laugh with others. You can be perceived as having a great sense of humor without ever telling a joke. Just tune in to the humor styles of those around you and share in the fun.

Convene a fun committee. Invite co-workers to join in your quest to "up the office fun factor." Together, brainstorm ways to add excitement to the workweek -- Just be sure to consult your department head before executing any plans; you'll want to obtain his or her approval and determine other details, such as budget and scheduling.

Issue trivia quizzes via email. Most people enjoy keeping up with pop culture, why not create a friendly competition around it? You also can grill people on sports, geography or food -- whatever topics the team finds interesting. Even if the only prize for answering the most questions correctly is posting the name of the winner in a prominent spot, the joy of conjuring up random information and discussing the "stumpers" can increase the general playfulness of any work area.

Capture Kodak moments.  Keep the cell phone cameras on hand for all to use and capture those moments when you and your colleagues are at your best -- or worst. Then, post the pictures on a community bulletin board, internal email or intranet. Ask for captions.  Had I thought about it, a candid snapshot of the Chief wearing a kiddy fireman's helmet would have brought a lot of laughs (Be sure to ask the subject(s) of your photo their permission before submitting or posting)

A culture of fun at work can improve communication, reduce stress and increase productivity. Flexing your funny bone can significantly enhance your professional prospects. Remember, in a recent survey, ninety-one percent of executives consider a sense of humor important to career advancement. Don't be afraid to flex your funny bone -- just be sure to do so in a business-appropriate way. See aprilfoolzone.com for more antics.

Go ahead, Yuck it up! Be Extraordinary!

SUCCESS RULE #35 Learn To Let It Go

You can be bitter or you can be better.  As a follower of the Rules and Tools, I want you to choose to be better.  During the course of your success, you will undoubtedly come across those who don’t know the rules. Perhaps it’s that difficult person, or someone who will intentionally lie or cross you, even hurt you (physically, financially or emotionally). Whether it is disappointment, frustration or anger, we very often carry this emotional burden long after the initial experience. Soon it begins to weigh heavy on us and becomes exhausting, sometimes consuming us in our thoughts and actions. We then lose focus of what the rules are and begin to make poor decisions.

During my career I’ve known many people who harbored ill feelings and emotions about another person, or a past situation that just gnawed at them. Some carried this baggage around for several years, their actions resulting in physical and emotional illness, countless arguments, and in some cases illegal behavior, all because they didn’t let it go.  Have you ever been so angry with someone, just the sight, or even thought of them made you physically ill?

Instead, learn to let it go - let go of the fight. Ask yourself, why do I allow this person/situation to have control over me? How much time do I spend worrying, or worse scheming? Ask instead, what can I do to learn from this experience? How can I affect the situation? It is what it is. What’s done is done. Now, what MUST I do to move on? Forgive? Accept? Understand? Today we have so many veterans who have experiences many of us can NEVER relate to, from missing limbs to sights and sounds that will last them a life time . . . yet, if and when they learn to “let it go”, they have extraordinary success in their lives as entrepreneurs, business leaders, in sports and hobbies, surely you can let go of the petty office politics, getting laid off,  the last argument that has estranged you from a parent, a sibling, an ex-spouse, or child.

What else can you let go? Self-determinants?  Old paradigms?  Grudges?  Stereotypes?

You are awesome. Be Extraordinary! Let it go.

SUCCESS RULE #34 Learn How to Deal with People who are Different Then You

Difficult people.  Everyone seems to know one. You can probably think of your own nemesis right now. Truth be told, in all my research, it turns out there are only about a dozen really obnoxious, rude difficult people in the whole world. That’s right only about 12. Now . . . word has it they move around a lot so chances are you may have come across more than just one.  OK, so I’m kidding. In most cases however, most individuals aren’t so much difficult as they are simply different.  Think about this.  Who do you get along with? Who do you like to hang out with?  Who do you like to work with? Most likely it’s others who are similar to you. They do things the way you do, they think the way you, and they communicate the same way you communicate.  When others see things differently, have different expectations, opinions, or values, we label them as “difficult”. Remember, these rules are about success, you’re success, not who’s right or wrong, or who has a better way to do something, and it’s definitely not about being something that you are not. Instead it’s about what it takes for you to be successful.

Think about traveling to a non-English speaking country. Sure if it was just a weeks’ vacation or a short trip you might get by without learning any of the language, just hang close to your tour group, the resort you booked .  .  .  the people who are just like you. But if you are going to travel off the beaten path, or spend a considerable amount of time there, it would do you well to learn the language and some of the local culture if you expect to have a successful trip or visit; same at work, with family or in your neighborhood. Learn a little about that “difficult” person in your life, what is their leadership style, their communication style? Try and see the world through their eyes.  Remember, it’s not about the other person being difficult; it’s about you having extraordinary success. But of course, you can fight to be right and instead choose to lose.

You’re Awesome. Be Extraordinary!