Year End Bonus – Tips to Endure

Once again a year is coming to its’ close.  The harried hustle seems to be contagious and can be overwhelming.  Retailers are gearing up for the end of year sales push, businesses are pulling together the end of year numbers, people are trying to fit one more thing into their already crowded calendars and school children are counting down the days until winter break.  For those of us living in the northern regions, we are pulling on our winter coats and trying to remember where we put that other glove.  Every year this happens and every year we make it through.

This month, instead of a “Success Rule”, I thought I’d pass along some tips to get you through with your sanity intact.  If you have been a “Success Rule” reader, some of these might look familiar.  But it is nice to have them all in one place to remind you of their need, especially at this time of year.

1.     Laugh! – Watch a favorite comedy show, go to a card store and read the cards in the “Humorous” section, spend time with people who make you laugh, watch crazy cat/dog/people videos on YouTube, play dress up with a 5-year old, there are so many ways to tickle your funny bone and now is the time!

2.     Cry! – The holiday season is often a hard time of year as we remember years gone by and the people who are no longer with us.  Trying to be cheery and bright can be a tall order.  Let yourself cry.  It’s alright to allow those tears to well up and fall from time to time.  Even sob if you must, it is cleansing.  Then pick yourself up, wipe your nose and refer to tip number one.  Of course, if you are truly depressed, seek help.  Talk to your doctor or a trusted friend.  There is no shame in admitting that you just aren’t coping too well with life right now.

3.     Sing! – Who cares if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket, sing anyway!  Everywhere you go at this time of year, Christmas music is playing.  If you don’t know the words, hum!  Need some cheer right now, how about “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”or “I Want A HippopotamusFor Christmas”

4.     Say No! – It seems that there are invitations to parties, family get-togethers, stores with that “Sale of the Year” that you can’t afford to miss, church events, cards to send, appointments to make, buying food, cooking food and, my favorite, eating food.   Nowhere is it written, or at least not that I could find, that you have to say yes to everything.   Do what you want to do and let the rest go.  Make a mental list, if not a physical one, of what is on your plate so to speak.  Prioritize the things that are most important to you.  If you run into a situation where you feel pushed to say yes, but would rather say no, be honest and say no.  A simple response I use is “I am sorry, but I can’t fit one more thing onto my plate right now.”  If someone is asking to spend time with you over the holiday season, and you would like to do that, suggest you get together in the New Year. 

5.     Give yourself a day off! -   Go to your calendar, date book, phone app or whatever right now, pick a day and mark it “My day off”.  Then stick to it! (See number 4 above)  That means, if someone asks you to do something that day, you say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I am already booked that day for something else.”  Of course, if it’s something you really and truly want to do, then do it as a treat to yourself.  Use that day to treat yourself to down time, do something you like, a hobby perhaps.  If you have a spouse and/or children, let them know it is your day off and they are on their own.  If you need to, go somewhere away from the stress. 

6.     Don’t Worry, Be Happy! – If doing numbers four and five seem out of your comfort zone, don’t worry, people will get over it.  If they don’t, they don’t.  In either case, do not allow others to steal your joy.  We are as happy as we make up our minds to be. - Abraham Lincoln

7.     Enjoy the sunshine! – Although the days are shorter, there is still some sunshine.  Perhaps not every day, but at some point, the sun does shine.  Get out in it whenever you can.  Too cold?  Open your blinds and just enjoy the view.  Remember, December 22 is the winter solstice.  After that, the days will start getting longer.

There are only a few weeks left in 2013, you may be surprised at how much better they can be if you follow these tips to endure and persevere.

Have a Great Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!  See you in 2014!

Executive Assistant

Leader Development Institute

www.LDiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE # 51 - The Principle of Authority

“When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen”.  I’m sure you've seen commercials where a doctor, dentist, athlete or a celebrity has recommended a product. This is the principle of authority at work, suggesting, if doctors, dentist or E.F. Hutton recommends it, well, it must be worth having. Knowing how to use this same principle can add to your success as well.

When people interact with others who are in a position of authority we often feel a duty or obligation to comply with their requests. It’s a very powerful influential principle and should not be taken lightly. At the same time, if used appropriately if can lead to great success.

First, don’t confuse the authority approach of, “Because I’m your supervisor, mom, dad, etc”. Of course that is the principle of authority at work as well, and by virtue of your role as parent or boss it works, although not always and here is why. The principle of authority is based primarily on perception, if others believe you to be knowledgeable, trustworthy, wise . . . and you look the part, you will most likely have the ability to influence their decision/behavior. This is why you seem to have no influence with your teenage child. They think they know everything, you know nothing, and their BFF is THE expert on relationships and fashion. The same holds true for the rest of us, it’s the dentists who recommend toothpaste, the doctors who recommend diet pills, supplements and other pharmaceuticals, and athletes who recommend fitness equipment. Job titles, uniforms, and even accessories, like the way we dress, and the cars we drive lend an air of authority and can persuade others to accept what you say.  Like it or not you are being judged. If someone doesn't know you, they will often judge you in a blink of an eye, a millisecond, based on what they initially see or hear.

Certainly you've accomplished requests made of you simply because it was your boss who asked. But what if it’s your boss you are looking to influence, or your colleague, a customer, or an entire community?  “Because I said so.”, probably isn't going to work. When I was the physical security officer for my unit in Germany (pre 9-11), I had this crazy idea that when we would deploy for military exercises, instead of loading up my security team into jeeps and trucks, I was going to procure a military helicopter and escort our convoys by air. Although my fellow lieutenants jeered me for even thinking the leadership would allow this, much less be able to get my hands on an H-53 helicopter, using my previous background as a Pararescueman, familiar with helicopter deployment operations, as well as the logistics associated with scheduling aircraft, I easily persuaded my leadership to allow it, and the flying unit I approached to support it. Why did it work? a.) I had proven myself in the position of security officer with much smaller tasks and responsibilities, b.) My leadership was aware of my Pararescue background and experiences, sometimes formally, sometimes informally through “war stories”. c.) I introduced myself to the flying unit Director of Operations as a prior Pararescueman (if you are not familiar with USAF Pararescue, I invite you to Google it and search on YouTube for further understanding and why this helped to establish my authority). And d.) I approached them all with a high degree of confidence and professionalism.

Going forward, if you are going to use the principle of authority to influence others, consider these points:

1.      Know your job better than anyone else

a.      Rule # 5 Create your own niche

b.      Rule # 6 Make it look easy

2.      Dress the part

a.      Rule # 7 Know you are being judged

b.      Rule # 13 Dress for success

3.      Be trustworthy

a.      Rule # 10 Live by a set of rules

b.      Rule # 20 Don’t gossip

4.      Convey confidence

a.      Rule # 8 Cultivate a firm handshake

b.      Rule #14 Know what you want

c.      Rule # 43 Don’t let the insecurities of others affect your dreams

5.      Take 100% responsibility for your actions (don’t blame or complain)

a.      Rule # 21 Don’t Whine

b.      Rule # 32 Never Lie

c.      Rule #38 Never stop learning

6.      Monitor your emotions

a.      Rule # 39 Practice quieting the mind

7.      If speaking to others who may not know you, attempt to have someone else edify you.

a.      Rule # 30 Maintain a successes portfolio

8.      If you are not the expert, find the person(s) who is/are to champion your cause.

Finally, if you want to learn more about the science of influence, I highly recommend an expert blogger and speaker on the subject of influence, Brian Ahearn. I especially recommend his recent series on applying the principles of influence with different personalities. You can read and subscribe to Brian’s blog Here.

Don't have the previous rules?  Click here!

Be Extraordinary!

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

www.LDiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE #50 – Raise Your Likeability

It's been said that everyone can light up a room -- some when they enter, and others when they leave. Which type of person are you? Likeable? Or not so much? 

Research has consistently proven that we are inclined to respond positively to people whom we like. That means we buy from those we like, we accept their proposals, we comply with their requests, and we refer business to them. Years ago that research focused primarily on two industries, advertising and politics. The likeability principle played heavily in the 1960 presidential debates between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon, and Kennedy’s subsequent win at the polls. However, in addition to Cialdini, behavioral scientists continue to broaden their research. Likeable people are more likely to succeed, in every area of life, than their less likeable counterparts. 

A significant part of your likeability is your communication image. How are you putting out the message of who you are for all to see and hear? Are you approachable? Do you relate to others and have empathy? Are you attentive to your appearance? Are you mindful of your emotions? Are you genuine? 

To understand this, picture a funnel. Into that funnel you insert: 

1.) Words - the language you choose

2.) Actions – body language and behavior 

3.) Voice – tone, volume, pitch, speed 

4.) Listening – Empathy, understanding, reserving judgment

What comes out of the bottom of the funnel is your message -the billboard of YOU.  Think about people in your life and past transactions. Who do you go the extra mile for? Who are you more likely to say “Yes” to?  - The people you like.

Just this week I had a media technician come in to help troubleshoot a problem I was having with my home theater system. Now mind you, success for me at that moment was defined as having a working sound system (no the mute button wasn’t on). As it turned out it seemed to be a setting on the cable box. However, this didn’t seem to solve the problem and so our technician called the local cable company tech support. Without identifying himself he immediately went into telling the rep what was wrong with their system and what were they going to do to fix it. He continued to be condescending and put the person on the defensive. You could hear her voice change and when the technician at my house now demanded to speak to the supervisor, she made it clear it was going to be a while. Her recommendation? Drive thirty minutes to the nearest service center and exchange the cable box for a new one.

Before she put us on hold, I asked for my phone and started to speak to her. I said hello using her name, introduced myself, started off with a few pleasantries and thanked her for her help and patience. I asked if she could help with some advice. Immediately, I mean immediately, I experienced a change in her attitude and willingness to help. You could hear the smile in her voice. “Of course Mr. Tormey, let’s see what we can do to resolve the problem.” A few more questions, some further clarifications and BAZINGA! “Mr. Tormey, sometimes a power surge can cause the cable box to lose sync between it and the other components of your system. Before you drive all the way to the service center, let’s try something”. Sixty seconds later – I was watching Florida State cruise to a 63 to 0 romp over Maryland. “Mr. Tormey, do you still need to speak to my supervisor?” “Yes, I would please. I want to let him know how helpful you were.” Likeability = Success, which saved me an hour long and unnecessary drive to the cable service center, AND got my home theater working again.

Raise your likeability factor and you will harness one of life’s most influential principles.

Smile, Listen, Practice empathy, Be respectful, Connect with their interest, Ask for advice, Make promises.  .  .  and keep them, Compliment and praise, Show appreciation, Align your values and beliefs, Manage your emotions, Be approachable, and yes - Appearance does matters.

Have a great week. Be Extraordinary!

Anthony Tormey

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE #49 - Consensus

Why do you think McDonald’s started putting the number served on their Golden Arches? This principle relies on an individual’s sense of safety in numbers, uncertainty, and when others seem to be similar to us.  Safety in numbers may simply mean one other person from the office. If faced with indecision, an individual will more likely, “go with the crowd”. If the crowd is a lot like me(values, community, culture, demographic, etc) it will increase the odds further that I will be influenced in that direction. You've probably been influenced by this yourself looking for a place to eat. If the parking lot is full, well it must be good.  I voted for .  .  .  because my union, church, organization, backed them. 

You can apply this principle by creating excitement around your idea or product, or getting others to buy in early. At work or in your circle of influence, approach other influential people and seek their support (this may or may not be the formal leaders of the group). I found this particularly helpful while I was a new Captain in the Air Force and tasked with planning our organization’s annual Christmas party. Not a very enticing project for this warrior leader. The previous year only 35 attended out of a squadron of over 300 people. My success looked grim. My first approach was to seek out six key individuals, a young Airman, a mid-level NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) a Lieutenant and 2 wives (NCO and Officer). These folks were my influencers within their demographics. From our first meeting we started to create buzz around the event. Every morning we sang a Christmas Carol over the squadron PA system. We spread potpourri all over the building - air vents, desk draws, the restrooms - it smelled like Christmas before it looked like Halloween. Each of the team members invited several friends and once we met our minimum, we started every week announcing how many tickets were sold. We sold every ticket before Thanksgiving. The night of the Christmas party we had nearly 200 hundred attendees.  A similar process can be used when implementing change in the organization. 

This tool can also help you when others are trying to influence you. In these situations, keep in mind, the “herd” mentality can be used against you as well. It is often referred to as Groupthink.  This is when, when in spite of all the evidence to suggest otherwise, people still make the wrong choice simply because others are as well. We see this in peer pressure to do the wrong thing among children and adults. If you read the accident report for the Shuttle Challenger, it was clear there were individuals who knew it was not safe to launch but who went along with the group decision makers anyhow. But as a rules follower, you understand this principle; you understand how to use it ethically to influence others, and how not to be sucked into making a poor decision.

One last thing before I go…because my vision statement - my life’s purpose - is to have a positive influence on all the people I meet, I’d like to invite you to do just one of the following; on each of them I bring just a little more to the table that you will find helpful in your quest for success.

    1.) Like us on Facebook www.facebook.com/successtraining
    2.) Connect with me on LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/anthonytormey
    3.) Subscribe to our Blog http://leaderdevelopmentinstitute.blogspot.com
    4.) Follow me on Twitter  https://twitter.com/tormeya

Have a great week. Be Extraordinary!

Anthony Tormey
Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute
www.LDiWorld.com

SUCCESS RULE #48 - Leverage Scarcity

Several years ago I met an extraordinary gentleman during a seminar I was presenting in Columbus, Ohio. We continue to be friends to this day. But equally as important, he has become a much respected colleague. 

Brian Ahearn is a certified trainer for the Principles of Persuasion by Dr. Robert Cialdini. The basis for the last two, the next two, and todays Rule for Success is from these principles. Each principle has been scientifically proven and researched extensively. When I asked Brian if he would write on one of the principles, he said to me, “Anthony, over the years you’ve done a lot for me, it would be my pleasure”, reciprocity in action (not to mention I’m a likable guy – another principle). 

To learn more about Brian and the Principles of Persuasion, I invite you to subscribe to Brian’s Blog, Influence People, Helping you to hear yes. Learn the science of influence and hear yes more often. (Use this URL to create the link, http://influence-people-brian.blogspot.com) When he’s not being extraordinary – he’s awesome. I’m sure you will enjoy Brian’s article. When you’re finished reading, let me know what you think on our Facebook page and I’ll email you a free PDF copy of my book, “Your Personal Handbook for Success”. 

Anthony Tormey
Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute

Success Rule #48 - Leverage Scarcity

Thomas Sowell, an economist and author said, “The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it.” 

In psychology the principle of scarcity alerts us to the reality that people generally want things more when they believe they’re rare or diminishing. It’s amazing how this changes the behavior of people. For example, I’ll bet there have been times you’ve made a conscious decision to get to a store before a sale ended. You didn’t want to lose the opportunity to possibly get a great deal. If the sale didn’t have an end date you might have waited a lot longer.

As someone looking to succeed much of your success depends on getting others to do what you want. When it comes to motivating behavior using scarcity it’s good to know this rule of thumb: people feel pain of loss more than the joy of gaining the same thing. In fact, psychological studies show people feel the pain of loss 2-2.5 times more than the joy they’d get gaining the same thing.

Here’s an example. Suppose you find a $100 bill today. You’ll feel really good. Let’s assume you stick it in your pocket, then, sometime later in the day, you tell someone about your good fortune. As you relate the story you reach for the $100 bill in your pocket to show it off only to realize it’s gone! I’ll bet the intensity of how you feel at that moment is much greater than the joy you felt earlier. At the end of the day you’re no worse off – you didn’t start with $100 in your pocket and you didn’t end with $100 – and you feel bad!

How do you ethically leverage this? Simple, next time you realize someone can gain by doing what you ask, think of a way to reframe that into loss. Let’s say an employee of yours needs to do three things to earn a sizable bonus. You could say, “Remember, if you do A, B and C, you’ll have a great shot at that bonus,” will not be as effective as saying, “Remember, if you don’t accomplish A, B and C, you won’t have any chance at earning the bonus.”

Don’t get me wrong – talking about what someone might gain is motivating, however studies conducted by social psychologists clearly show talking about what someone stands to lose will motivate more people to take action. The avoidance of pain outweighs the desire for pleasure.

As a person looking to succeed professionally and personally you want to make sure the communication you use is the most effective possible, don’t you? By not going with rigorously tested methods of communication you’ll only hurt your chance for success and you don’t want that, do you?

As Anthony would say, “When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.”

Brian

SUCCESS RULE #47 - Seek Out Consistency In Others

To really be effective this rule takes knowing a little something about the person you are attempting to influence, either before you engage them, or through some probing questions. It can work without knowing anything about the person, but you will find yourself more effective when you do.

Often times we experience situations in which people say one thing and do another. Chances are when that happens, what you asked them to do was not consistent with their values. When we know and understand an individual’s values and pose our request in alignment with those values, there is a greater likely hood that they will do what they say.  As we see in the movie clip Despicable Me, little Agnes, having already gotten Gru to attend one ballet class, makes him pinky promise to attend another. This of course is reinforced still by the mothers sitting next to him. 

In the workplace and in the home, I find that families and organizations who openly and consistently discuss their core values experience a greater degree of success than those who don’t. Why? Because when individuals publicly express their values and then are asked to commit to something aligned with those values, they experience the intrinsic desire to be consistent.  Organized religions ask followers to publicly profess their faith. Car dealers ask “What will it take to buy this car today?” Nonprofits appeal for donations from donors that are consistent with individual and corporate core values or who already have a history of giving.

You can apply the principle of consistency with yourself as well.  If you refer to Success Rule number 1, “Success, it’s everything you think it is”. The more you reinforce your desires with your own thoughts and publicly announce those desires, the more likely you will be to follow through. 

Although there is a great deal of “selling” going on around us, in both our personal and professional lives, showing and seeking consistency can provide the results needed for our success.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

Founder & CEO

Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE #46 - Practice Reciprocity

The late Zig Ziglar, a well-known author, sales trainer and motivational speaker, is credited with saying, “You can get anything in this world you want – as long as you are willing to help others get what they want”. Too often however our focus is either on what we want, or what we think others want from us. Furthermore, many of us attempt to keep score with a mentality akin to, “If you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” Successful people don’t keep score, they simply develop the habit of serving others - unconditionally. They support their employees, they help the boss, they do for their spouse and children, and they give their neighbors a hand when they can. They understand when you act to please others; you’ll find others will be pleased to act.

I see this principle play out each time I use a training exercise where I put individuals into a scenario with opposing needs – to persuade the person standing across from them to come onto their side of a line. I tell them they can say or do whatever they wish to get the other person to cross the line. From the onset people typically argue their agenda and enter into negotiations to get what they want. On some occasions they even resort to physical force and pull the other person to their side of the line. The result is both parties resist, physically and emotionally. However, given time, or a little bit of facilitating, someone will usually figure out the principle of reciprocity and simply cross the line and join their partner on the other side. Once on the other side of the line they simply ask the other person, “Would you help me and go to the other side of the line?” Without hesitation, the majority, having just been given a gift – they had their goal satisfied before being asked for anything – are happy to comply with the request and cross to the other side of the line.

Teamwork, and your subsequent success, can be so much more effective when you consider the principle of reciprocity. Start by lending a helping hand. Is there a coworker having a difficult time with a task or project? Share your knowledge or ideas. Reach out to others voluntarily. 

Here’s an idea, keep a stash of giveaway items from the dollar store in your desk draw. In a previous job I gave a plastic Fire Chief Helmet to a coworker because they helped me put out some fires. From that point forward the other person was always ready and willing to help when I needed him. The helmet cost? Just ninety-nine cents!

This doesn’t just apply to work success. At home give time to your spouse, your children and other family members. Pay attention, listen, throw in a little eye contact for good measure, and look for the reciprocity to roll in.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

Click below to see reciprocity explained by Sheldon in a short clip from the television sitcom, The Big Bang Theory. 

Credit goes to CBS for this clip.

SUCCESS RULE #45 - Negotiate

Many see negotiating as uncomfortable at best, something to be disdained at worst. We typically associate negotiating with sales involving big ticket items like homes and cars. The truth is you probably already negotiate with your boss and/or coworkers for time off, your professor/teacher for a better grade, your children to do their chores, with your spouse as to how you’re going to spend that refund check, or perhaps with that nice police officer who just stopped you for speeding. The bottom line is, there will come a time when you are going to need to negotiate for a car, a house, a new job offer, assignment, promotion, or pay raise. You don’t want to be nervous, unsure of yourself, or learning the ropes on a $30,000 car, six figure income, or an even more costly home. Practice instead on the small items. Start easy and go to a yard sale – or have your own.

When I travel I always negotiate for a free upgrade, additional services, or to have a fee waived, maybe even a free bottle of wine/meal, satellite radio or a tank of gas. Sometimes I don’t get it, many times I do. When your phone, cable or internet contract comes due, negotiate for a better rate (hint: if the first person you speak to can’t/won’t help, ask to speak with someone from the cancellation/retention department). Every year or two, I negotiate my banking and credit card fees. Buying new furniture, mattress, etc.? Ask for a free set of sheets, or free delivery.

With this said, this rule is about negotiating, not about how cheap you can be. It’s not about saving a few dollars; it’s the ability to influence others ethically to get what you want. It’s not about manipulation, which would lack character. It’s about influence – with character.

I bet you didn't realize there are scientifically proven ways to be persuasive. That's right, there's a science to it and the good news is it's easy to learn. Stick with me over the next several newsletters because you'll learn a little of the science and as a result - have greater success for it.

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

Photo © Bellemedia | <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime Stock Photos</a>&<a>href="http://www.stockfreeimages.com/">Stock Free Images</a>

SUCCESS RULE # 44 - Be Tenacious!

Hello Success Rule Follower,

Once again my assistant, Cindy Lee, has written a very timely rule by pulling from her own background and success in life.  In this Success Rule, you can see how the definition of success is as individual as each of us.  Enjoy this glimpse into how tenacity can propel you toward success.

Anthony Tormey
Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute

BE TENACIOUS!

Our last Success Rule, Don’t Let The Insecurities Of Others Affect Your Dreams, talked about how other people can affect your success.  What about how life affects your success?

In the mid 1980’s success was something I never thought I’d see.  At that particular point in my life, I was struggling with many things on many levels.  In an effort to regain some sanity in my life, I began seeing a counselor.  One of the roles of a counselor is to identify ones strengths and build on them. One assignment was for me to make a list of what I thought my strengths were.  My list was rather short.  The counselor, having known me for some time, started adding things to the list I had created.  One of those things was tenacity.  

Tenacity?  I wasn’t even sure what that was.  She explained that it’s like being an old bulldog with a bone.  No matter how hard you try to get it away from him that old dog isn’t giving up that bone.  She was right.  

Unable to work, I was recovering from major surgery, struggling with a divorce and custody hearings, financial issues, extended family problems, depression and the taking-one-step-forward-three-steps-back syndrome.  But, as the counselor pointed out, I was still taking that one step forward.

It was during that time period that I signed up for clerical classes and learned about the new technology of the word processor.  I brushed up on typing, filing, business math and whatever else would be useful in an office environment.  The one-step forward became two as I re-entered the work force.  I hung onto that bone and one by one, I overcame each of the obstacles that once seemed insurmountable.  

Learning as much as I could in each position I held, I moved up through different places of employment into various levels of management.  When technology advanced, I took night classes and continued to advance as well.  Feeling stagnant after eight years with one company, I picked up and moved across the state into to an entirely new field, never letting go of the idea that employment was a means to an end.  For me that meant someday not having to get up and go to work.

Today, I have a great husband, three grown children who have given me eight grandchildren; I work from home doing what I love and I choose not to let family opinion dictate my feelings. The ratio of steps has changed to many-steps-forward with the occasional one-step-back.  And, I continue to hang onto that bone!  Now my bone includes not giving up on the people I love.

When you feel like you are stuck in the three-steps-back mode, remember that you are still taking that all important one-step-forward.  Be that bulldog…and hang on to that bone! 

           

Cindy Lee

Executive Assistant Leader Development Institute

SUCCESS RULE # 43 - Don’t Let The Insecurities Of Others Affect Your Dreams

You are going to be surrounded by others who aren't familiar with the rules and tools for success. They are not going to know what you know. They are not going to be Success Rule Followers. Their level of success will be measured in terms of mediocrity. They will be quick to blame others and/or circumstances for their lack of success. "The economy really hasn't been good.". "The boss has their favorites and I'm not one of them." Here is my favorite, "I've been here 15 years and they still haven't promoted me.".  They will whine and complain, and they will want company. Don't drink from the poison well. Be careful, these dream busters come in all kinds of disguises, from the easily identifiable, obnoxious, miserable, grouchy S.O.B who takes pleasure in bringing you down, to the humble, "you didn't ask, but I'm going to give you my advice anyway", coworker, spouse, parent, sibling or BFF who just has your, "best interest at heart". I experienced it. Once I told co-workers I was going to join an elite organization in the US Air Force called Pararescue. What I heard was, "You know, you'll never make it". The said, "I hear the physical requirements are out of this world.". What they were really saying was, "Hey, stay with me in this lame job so we can continue to hang out (party, drink, play pool... )", or that they were too lazy to put in the time and effort it would take to be part of something extraordinary themselves. Today I'm proud to be a part of a brotherhood that continues to accept only those who know the rules for success, and want to be extraordinary - The US Air Force Pararescueman and Combat Rescue Officer.

The bottom line is these negative people will try and leave you with feelings of doubt, pangs of guilt, or take away from you your self-worth. Here are some tips to follow to avoid such kinds of people. The first and most obvious step is to separate yourself from them, kick them off the porch, dump 'em. In many situations it really is a lot easier than you think. Real friends don't put you down or hold you back. In fact, you will find your true best friend is the one that is growing and pursuing their own success right alongside you. They are as excited for you, as you are for them. If you instead find your friends, "encouraging" you to take the easy route, or they make you feel guilty for, "forgetting where you came from", maybe it is time you remember where you're going and forget about them. 

On the other hand there are those in your life that are not so easy to get rid of, such as family, and in many cases co-workers. They'll try to make you feel bad by telling you that all you care about is money and material things. At work they'll say, "There you go again, sucking up to the boss". Let me be clear. NO ONE will care more about your success than you do. Don't let someone else dictate your success. If it is someone you can't separate yourself from all together, then minimize your time with them. "But it's my mother", someone once said. OK. Thanksgiving or Christmas. Pick one. Alright, maybe that is not realistic, but I would still avoid interaction when I could. When it can't be avoided and you find yourself the subject of their teardown, be direct, firm and always polite/professional. Commit yourself to not sharing your plans with them. Change the topic and refuse to engage on the issue. Smile and excuse yourself from the conversation.

My final thought on this is to continue to nurture the seeds of thought that are planted in the garden of your mind by yourself and others. Remember to weed out the bad seeds, the negativity, the ones that steal away the food, water and nutrients of the dreams you planted.  

Be Extraordinary! When you’re not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

SUCCESS RULE # 42 - Be Financially Fit

Pretty simple rule, yet one that is often ignored or at a minimum, not really understood. We grow up not really being taught how to manage our finances and so we go to college, or perhaps get a job. We then get a checking account, a credit card…or two, or three, start spending, accumulating debt, and before you know it many folks are living paycheck to paycheck, or as we've seen over the past few years, find themselves in financial crisis. Bottom line, no matter how much money you earn, spend less (Watch a short video here.  The producer of this video holds all copyrights. Leader Development Institute has no connection to, nor endorses said company. Video is for illustrative purposes only). I know, you’re thinking a good lesson for our government to learn. Well perhaps, and someday, if I’m elected POTUS I’ll work on that. In the meantime let’s focus on your success.

It’s easy to be influenced by the media, marketing and peer pressure. We’re made to feel we can’t do without something, or pressured to, “Keep up with the proverbial Jones’s’”. But not you, you follow Rules and Tools for Success, you’re proactive and practice self-discipline, eventually you will be the “Jones’”. Don’t misunderstand, credit can be a powerful tool if you understand it and use it wisely. For example, I use a credit card for just about every purchase I make, from candy bars to cars, thousands of dollars a month. HOWEVER, and this is a big however, at the end of the month, when the statement shows up in the mail, I pay it in full. For me, that’s hundreds of thousands of airline miles and free tickets. For others it’s cash back, or a down payment on a car. HOWEVER, and this is a big however, if you do this, you MUST have the self-discipline to NOT overspend, and pay it in full every month.

Many years ago, after buying a car on credit, and paying it off, I continued to, “make the payment” to myself for several more years. During that time I worked to pay off my credit card debt, created an immediate emergency fund, started a long-term emergency fund, and saved to purchase my next vehicle for cash.  I continued to practice financial fitness and started investing in mutual funds and started an IRA. When I got a pay raise, I immediately put 20% of the raise into my IRA and another 20% into savings and/or my mutual funds. At the time, if I wanted a big ticket item, like new furniture or a big boy’s toy, I would either save until I had enough to make the purchase or, if I wanted to take advantage of a deal, I could “borrow” from my savings and pay myself back just as if I had to take out a loan, only difference was it was my money and no interest.

It’s approaching the holidays, shop wisely and exercise financial fitness. No matter where you are in your life, plan ahead (savings, emergencies, retirement, etc), prepare (savings, emergencies, retirement, etc), prevent (don’t over spend, pay bills, no consumer debt). Seek to avoid immediate gratification and instead practice self-discipline. If you are a supervisor, mentor your young employees. If you are a parent teach your children financial fitness early, if they are in high school or college, pass this rule on to them in full. If you are a young adult, START NOW!

Tips for Financial Fitness

·       Establish an immediate emergency fund. About $2,000.00 (Emergency house or car repair. Travel to

      ailing family member, etc)
·       Long-term emergency fund 6 months’ salary
·       Borrow from yourself
·       Use credit cards that offer cash return, or other benefit – use them for everything - then pay them off

      monthly.
·       Know you budget – and stick to it
·       Make the most of your retirement investment 20%(If you have a 401k with matching contributions, max

     it out, after that, contribute to an IRA)
·       Negotiate for everything (The time to learn is not with your car or your first home)
·      Establish multiple income streams (There are a number of  business opportunities to do this, but perhaps        the quickest and somewhat easiest is to invest)

Be Extraordinary! Be Debt Free!

SUCCESS RULE # 41 - Remember Where You Came From

Once again I have the privilege of bringing you an excellent rule written by my assistant Cindy Lee.  Read...Enjoy...and Remember! - Anthony Tormey

A few weeks ago, I was sorting through some old photos for one of my grown children.  In doing so, I came upon Christmas pictures from 1995.  At that time I was newly divorced and my mother had passed away earlier in the year.  My apartment was in a run-down center-city converted house.  The entire thing consisted of an ill-equipped kitchen, drafty living room, two small bedrooms and a minuscule bathroom.  It was what I could afford on a barely-more-than-minimum salary.  Despite all of that, the photos contained smiling faces.  Pictures of the ceremonial gift unwrapping, children sitting cross-legged on the floor, plates being balanced on knees and a tiny tree decorated and lit as if to be in a grand mansion.  The scenes evoked memories of that Christmas so very long ago.

Success meant something different then.  It meant making the rent each month, paying the gas bill, scraping together money for food and spending time with my family to share what little bit I had.  Oh, how far I have come since those days.

Memories are something we all have.  Remembering is something we all do.  However, the two are not necessarily the same thing. 

In “Success Rule 17, Know Thyself”, there is a list of techniques to get to know yourself a little better.  One of the techniques is to “look back” at your life.  Looking back at your life can be both pleasurable and painful.  These things contribute to who you are today.  You may wonder how that can advance your success right now.  The key is to remember where you came from.

Remembering where you came from, what you’ve been through and what you have felt leads to a better understanding of other people and situations.  A better understanding leads to success.   Seem simple?  Let’s take a look.

Example 1:  People make mistakes.  You’ve made mistakes.  In the past, when you made a mistake, how were you confronted about it?  Was it from someone who “got in your face”? Or, was it from someone who helped you understand the mistake and how to correct it? 

Example 2:  You receive a phone call from an irate boss, co-worker or acquaintance.  Do you reflect their attitude?  Or, do you try to understand the situation, allow them to vent and then work toward a solution?

Example 3:  You are in the break room and over hear someone talking about a bad relationship break up.  Do you run to another person and say…”Did you hear…?”  Or, do you wait for a private moment and say… “I am sorry I overheard, if there is anything I can do to help, let me know.”

The list can go on and on.  In each of these scenarios, which action or reaction would you consider to be that of a “successful” person?

Success is not measured only by paychecks and possessions; it is also measured by who you are.  What kind of a person you are.  Arrogant?  Demeaning?  Patient?  Understanding?  Do people turn around when they see you coming or are you approachable? 

You were the “new guy” once.  You’ve been that irate caller.  You’ve been through bad situations.  Draw from your memories and remember where you came from.  Coming from a place of understanding will move you toward success.

Remember where you came from and be Extraordinary in your future!

 

Cindy Lee

Executive Assistant

Leader Development Institute