Success Rule #26 - Expect Adversity

Look around you, there isn't a single person you know who hasn't faced some challenge(s) in their lifetime. It may be a bully at school or in the office. It may be someone badgering you because of your beliefs. It may be just the aches and pains of growing older. In today's economic crisis it may be unemployment, foreclosure, or the income isn't enough to cover the expenses. Whatever it is in your life, someone has got it just as bad - or worse. How do we face that something like that? How do we face that adversity in a way that can actually benefit us?

I'm sure you've heard the story of the two shoe salesmen who landed at a remote location where the locals didn't wear shoes. One saw it as a waste of time and got back on the boat and returned home. The other called back and said send all the shoes you have.

The point about this Rule for Success is - are you prepared - mentally prepared? What is your perspective of the adversities you face? How will you choose to deal with the adversity in your life? Maybe you're like me. Suddenly, bursting into your life, there it is adversity that you've never experienced before. You're wondering, what now? First of all, have the attitude that you expect adversity to come; and when it comes, you're not surprised.

One of the very first choices I make is that I accept the fact that adversity comes to everybody and it's not always a sign that there's something wrong with me or my life. Get over yourself, you're not a victim. This in itself is a huge first step. It's foundational. It sets the stage for all the subsequent choices you make.

Another attitude we need to bring to adversity table is to see it as an opportunity - embrace it. As the saying goes, when given lemons make lemonade. There are plenty of feel good stories where, during economic downturns, people who lose their jobs, file for bankruptcy, or lose their homes and come out the other side with greater financial success and /or a happier life as a result of starting a business, a new career, or getting a better job.
As I write this week’s rule, it occurs to me that extraordinary success actually requires adversity. It sounds weird, but it's true. I don't think it should surprise us that expecting and subsequently accepting adversity comes as a process, that it's not something that you turn on and turn off. But here's the thing: Self-awareness is in the process. Being self-aware is a way of getting to know adversity.  But, there's still a little more to this attitude of acceptance.

Let me suggest a third attitude that you need to bring to the table. When faced with adversity, don't expect an answer to the question, "Why me?" If you are like I am, the first thing you want answered when something goes wrong in your life is why. Why me, Lord? Isn't that true? It's the common, normal, natural think to ask. When you have an automobile accident, you ask, Why me? When the boss hands you a pink slip and says, "It's nothing personal," you say, Why me? When the bank is knocking on your door asking for the keys, you say, "Why me?" It's common. That's a normal action. Consider this; if you expect someone else to explain everything that goes wrong in your life, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Another attitude we bring to adversity is surely the attitude of courage, the courage to face adversity in a way that will lead to greater success--whether that adversity is loss, hurt, damage, or any other kind of adversity. I say courage because, generally, adversity is not seen as something that brings blessings; it's seen as something that brings pain. For success minded individuals who watch for and experience adversity for themselves, they can see the benefits. Not everyone is going to understand this, do you?

In the bible Romans 5:3-4, Apostle Paul says, "We can also rejoice when we run into problems, trials and tribulations, for we know they're good for us, that they help us to learn to endure, and endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our expectation of hope". Life brings adversity to us in such a way that it also brings character. If I could say one thing to you today, it would be this: You don't have to fear adversity. You don't have to welcome it, but you don't have to fear it as long as you bring the attitudes to adversities that are attitudes found in successful thinking. When you do that, you face adversity as an opportunity, not as something to be dreaded or feared.

My wish for you is that whatever you're facing today will not overwhelm you but will show you the gift that is given to you in adversity can be used to bring you not only great success and happiness in yourself but for you to know how to use it to help someone else.

 Here at LDI, we want to find out more about the success process associated with adversity. So our research team at Leader Development Institute (me) has decided to interview the experts on success - you. You're one of those experts. We want you to share your experiences on how you turned adversity into success.

Associated Rules and Tools: These rules and tools do not stand alone. You cannot apply them independently. You cannot just pick and choose the ones you like. Revisit these tools and see how they relate. All of the Rules For Your Success are available.  Just click here to see how to get them!

Success Rule Number 4 -Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life.
Success Rule Number 15 - Be Proactive
Success Rule Number 17 - Know Thyself
Success Tool Number 19b - Skip and Google Your Brain
Success Rule Number 21 - Don't Whine
Success Rule Number 22 - Be Cheerful


Be Extraordinary!

Founder & CEO
Leader Development Institute
www.LDiWorld.com

Success Rule # 54 It’s Not About You

Recently we observed Memorial Day. I hope you had the opportunity to enjoy it.  Maybe you were able to get outdoors; perhaps you traveled and spent some time with friends and/or family. But I also hope you found time to attend a Memorial Day event, perhaps took some time to share memories of a passed loved one who served or maybe just a private or shared moment of silence. If time just got away from you, there is always time right now or sometime soon. When I thought about the men and women who gave their last full measure, and those who continue to serve today, those who put it all at risk for you and me, it inspired today's Rule for Success – It’s not about me.

Success Rule # 54

It’s Not About You

There are hundreds, perhaps thousands of stories of men and women who, at the moment of choice in the face of certain death or personal injury, either consciously, or due to their character, said to themselves, “It’s not about me”, or did what needed to be done.  And so it is on this day, when people who know that I am a veteran come up to me and thank me for my service, I politely say, “On this day, it’s not about me”.

That in turn got me to thinking about how important that perspective is in life and our success.  We are not all on the front lines of combat where life and limb are at risk, but we are all on the front lines of life and when you want extraordinary success, you will do well to say to yourself, “It’s not about me”.

For success at home, think to yourself, “It’s not about me”.  Is it really that important that you do all you do for your child simply because it’s easier or you are in a hurry?  Does it become a test of wills, or do you slow down and let your 6 year old make their own bed?  Do you take time and volunteer with your son’s scout troop?  Although Dorothy and I have no children, we are both very close to our nieces and nephews.  This past winter I took a trip to Florida to spend some time with my family.  One day during the trip, I took my nieces and nephews, along with my brother and his wife to Universal Studios.  The children were ages 12, 5, 6 and a 1 year old infant.  We had a great time, but I have to tell you, I had to keep reminding myself, “It wasn’t about me” and what I wanted to do, or more importantly what I wanted them to do. I wanted to hit all the major rides, and  I wanted to take the kids on all the rollercoasters they were tall enough to go on.  The problem was they didn’t.  There was a time in my life when it would have been all about me.  I’d be frustrated, wouldn’t understand, be miserable, and as a result create an environment where others would be miserable – and there we’d be, spending hundreds of dollars and having no fun because Uncle Anthony wanted to make it about him.  Instead, because there was no long line to wait on, we rode the tea cup ride several times and had a blast, and I have never seen kids laugh so hard and have so much fun.  My brother, his wife and I went on several other rides, including Harry Potter and the Hulk, but we did them without the kids and worked a plan. Yup, the day was an extraordinary success.

The same holds true in our relationships.  Read any men’s/women’s magazine about reigniting the intimacy in the bedroom, and in harlequin romance style, with step by step instructions on how to please your partner, they all make it very clear, “it’s never about you”.  Of course relationships are much more than what goes on between the sheets. Why not consider the same approach in the dining room over dinner conversation, or in the car the next time you want to do 80 mph, in the rain, while passing semi’s - and it makes the other just a little nervous. Is it really that important?  As Dr. Phil has made famous with his catch phrase, “Would your rather be right or would you rather be happy?”.

It’s not any different in the board room or on the job.  The truly extraordinary leaders of the world know it’s not about them.  It’s either about a.) The mission, b.) The vision, or c.) The people.  That’s not to say they aren’t concerned about getting ahead or being successful.  They aren’t martyrs, and they don’t let people walk all over them.  They know their success doesn’t happen in a vacuum, that others are involved and they don’t need to walk on others to succeed.  Nor do they compromise the mission of the organization for personal gain.  The extraordinary leader recognizes and appreciates those who have been a part of their success.  Their success is often the results of helping others get what they want; helping others to succeed. 

Too often I have seen people who have been held back by supervisors and leaders who, being selfish didn’t want to let them go because “they were so valuable to the team”.  Bull****, they were selfish, greedy, lazy individuals, who were more interested in looking good themselves than in helping someone else succeed or be willing to help others grow.

I had an audience member share a story with me about a time when he was a frontline supervisor for a team that was responsible for washing the outside of large air force aircraft.  It was an entry level position, one where you could get your foot in the door working for the US government.  Trust me; it is a nasty, dirty, thankless job, worthy of Mike Rowe and TV’s “Dirty Jobs”.  This audience member/supervisor made it clear it wasn’t about him, or what made his life easy.  What his job was about was to promote out of his department, not the stereotypical troublemaker, but his best, hardworking employees.  As a leader he was extraordinary and continued to advance in his career as well.

If you are looking for extraordinary success in your life, don’t make it about you.

1.)   Know your mission.  No matter where you are in life or the organization, what is it you are responsible for?  A partner in a relationship?  A parent raising a child?  A front line employee, or the CEO of the organization?

2.)   Have a vision.  What is your purpose in life?  How does it align with the vision of your partner?  Your organization?

3.)   Know what’s important to the people who are important to you.  Zig Zigler once said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

4.)   Clarify your values.  If you neglect to ensure congruency of your actions with your values, you will find yourself making shortsighted decisions and choices that will negatively influence your success.

5.)   Avoid being the smartest person in the room.  Success Rule followers know when to speak up and when to act on their initiatives.  Don’t squander your opportunities by showing off.  Let your cool demeanor speak up for you.  Instead learn to inspire others.

6.)   Learn to delegate. Sure you might be able do it faster, and probably better, after all, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.  Well, it’s not about you. Help others to grow, to learn, to experience success…and failure.

7.)   Success is about relationships.  The relationships with your spouse, you children, your family, your customers, your co-workers, your boss, your god.  Extraordinary success comes when you realize - it’s not about you.  Be extraordinary!

Extraordinary Leaders Have Extraordinary Character,

With Extraordinary Character, They Are Not Afraid.!

Be Extraordinary

President & CEO

Leader Development Institute

www.LDiWorld.com