SUCCESS RULE #40 Seek Congruency (between your conscious thoughts and your sub-conscious mind)

Many of us want success as we define it in our own thoughts, the rockin' body, the fat bank account, the great relationship, peace and harmony in our lives, the perfect career and so on. These are the things we consciously think about or dream of. Unfortunately many have a sub-conscious mind that has been conditioned differently during our lifetime and are incongruent with our conscious desires - or thoughts. To understand why this is so, think about the subconscious as your baggage. We all have baggage, I've got nearly 52 years of baggage, and it's where we store our life's experiences and form our beliefs. The reason your subconscious overrides your conscious desires when they are incongruent is due to your beliefs. Because they are your beliefs they must be true, otherwise, well, they wouldn't be your beliefs.

Empowering or disempowering, it doesn't matter, our subconscious mind will often overrule the conscious thought in order to protect our body and spirit (our feelings).

I often think about the pervasive rift between the ranks of the military and the baggage many young enlisted have about senior NCOs and officers, and vise-versa, and yes, how their potential success is hindered by the belief system (baggage/subconscious). The same holds true in the government and civilian work sectors. In order to advance, get promoted or move into management our belief system says those who are there, were suck ups or stepped on others in order to get there. As a result the "language of the mind" (Rule #39) is repeated, reinforced by ourselves and others, and soon stored in our subconscious mind as baggage. So that we don't feel like traitors to our peers, or that others will view us negatively as brown-nosers, our incongruent subconscious (beliefs) sabotage our conscious desires of cooperation, project success, and/or potential advancement.  

What baggage are you still carrying around with you that is incongruent with your desires? Pretty girls are snobs, well dressed individuals are vain, jocks are dumb, smart students are geeks, wealth equals greed. Your subconscious sabotages your plans to go to the gym, lose weight, dress for success, study and/or prepare for the interview, promotion or exam. As a result they take precedence, and when you try to do something not aligned with your beliefs your mind says, “Whoa, hold on there cowboy”, and generates feelings and emotions that drive your behavior and align them with your core beliefs. (No need to go the extra mile on this project, don’t want to appear to be sucking up to the boss) (Andrew is always put together but he’s so arrogant, I don’t need an ironed shirt and shined shoes to do my job.)

 There are a number of tools and techniques you can use to establish congruency AND become fluent in the language of the mind, many of them are part of the “Rules For Success. Others include; Practicing metacognition, being self-aware, think about what it is you think about. Rephrase the questions you ask yourself to reflect success versus defeat. When faced with adversity ask “How can I?” instead of “Why me?”.  Continue to learn new things. Take risks. Keep nearby a constant reminder of the belief system you wish to embrace, posters, pictures, a dream board (Rule #28).  Read Rules For Success. Share them with others. Listen to music that is uplifting and has lyrics that inspire (It's My Life - Bon Jovi - This is one of my favorite motivational songs but watch the volume if you click on the link). Watch YouTube videos like TED (Everyday Leadership) or other inspirational stories.  Do you have a favorite? Send me an email and share how or why it inspires your belief system, and I will post them on www.LDiworld.com and the LDI Facebook page. Associate with others who are experiencing success. Model the behavior you wish to exhibit. Avoid those who are sour and miserable. Seek out and get involved with a successful network marketing company, they are a consistent source of success minded individuals to fellowship with. Same with any group that is focused and void of internal politics; house of worship, club, civic organization or mastermind alliance (Rule #29).Talk regularly and openly with anyone who will listen about your success and goals. “Fake it until you make it.”

Learn the language of the mind and seek congruency with your subconscious and success, no matter how you define it, can be yours.

Be extraordinary!

When you're not being extraordinary, be awesome instead.

SUCCESS RULE # 39 - Learn the Language of the Mind

Do you talk to yourself? Do you answer? I’m sure you do. We all of have conversations with ourselves, these are called thoughts. Perhaps the more serious question is what type of conversations are you having? What is the language of your mind? Have you ever talked yourself into such a frenzy it actually made you nauseous? Ever worry about something to such an extent it made you physically ill? Maybe you talked yourself right out of a smart choice or into a poor decision. Perhaps it’s time to learn about the language you are using in the conversation you are having with yourself and start leading a fuller more successful life.

There are two significant elements to understanding and applying this Rule for Success. First is to understand how it can influence your decisions and subsequent actions/reactions, and second, how you can make a permanent change to your life. If you were to take a moment to close your eyes and think for a moment about a recent, strong emotional experience – say the loss of a loved one, how you miss their conversations, touching them, holding them. Remembering how close you were to them, what they meant to you. Listened to their voice, felt their touch.  Remember the viewing, memorial or funeral. If you did this, pause for a moment and acknowledge how you feel…your emotions. Sad, upset, hurt, angry, depressed? Take another moment and realize how you look, what were your physical reactions. A frown, a stoic face, a blank stare out into space, perhaps your eyes teared up, or you even cried.

On the other hand, what if you thought about it like I do with my father, how he was a great dad, how he loved me, shaped me to be who I am today. I think about my phone calls to him almost every day and how they made him smile – that made me happy. As a Christian I know he is in Heaven and someday I will be with him, my mom and all those I love. If…if, you changed the way you thought about the loss of your loved one, and talked to yourself with happy and uplifting language, you would have noticed a change in your emotions, or feelings, to ones of genuine happiness, maybe even excitement. These emotions in-turn affected your actions or behaviors, predominantly facial features that included a smile.

What kind of emotions does, “Ah Crap! Another management initiative that’s just going to cause me problems.” evoke? Fear, anger, frustration? What about, “Damn, there’s just no way I’m going to lose this weight? Be able to handle this project? Failure? Sadness? Anxiety? What about this language…“Hmm, how can I use this situation to…help someone? advance my career? make my job easier?”? Empowered? Excited? Anticipation?

If you learn to understand the language of the mind, how it influences your feelings or emotions, and how those emotions drive your actions, reactions and behaviors, then you can understand how changing the conversations you have with yourself will change the way you feel, and how you feel will change how you respond. Instead of complaining about how something won’t work, ask yourself how it might. Instead of blaming others for the adversity in your life, ask how you might respond to it differently. Instead of worrying about things that haven’t happened, ask yourself, what can I do to prepare for, or prevent the unforeseen.  

Every thought you have is a seed, your results are the fruit. If you want tulips don’t plant ragweed. Watch for our next Rule and Tool For Success – Seek Congruency, where I’ll share how you can become fluent in a language that will drive success. In the meantime…Be extraordinary! When you can’t be extraordinary, be awesome instead.